#choi soobin angst

[moamidzyism]

the seven stages of you and i (c.sb)

ʚ♡⃛ɞ when you first met soobin, you knew he was going to play a lead role in your life. you were going to make sure of it. you just didn't know what to expect. or: the story of a boy, a girl, and the turbulence that fills the space between them.

☆。.:*·ﾟwc 14444 angst + smut ౨ৎ minors DNI ˚⁺。˚ // repost ୨୧ soobin x fem!reader, best friends to lovers, childhood friends to lovers to ???, first time. featuring beomgyu, taehyun, kai from txt, yuna from itzy, and arin from oh my girl [masterlist • reblogs + feedback appreciated]

playlist

you can vividly remember the first time you ever saw soobin.

it was the summer before third grade started.

it had been an unbearably hot summer and with the school year looming just a month away, you were dreading going back to school and trying so hard to not think about having to meet your new teacher and make new friends.

so to take you mind off the soul crushing pressures of elementary school, you begged your mom to let you go to the park. she refused, claiming she had to work, but the two of you made a compromise and you settled for riding your bike around the cul-de-sac where she could still see you from the dining room table.

you had been riding for thirty minutes, quickly growing tired of the rays of the sun beating down on your skin. you were about to call it a day, but that’s when you saw it.

the gray honda civic driving past you, the sun reflecting on the hood of the car. the woman in the front seat, slowly waking up from her slumber. her husband tapping her shoulder excitedly, looking at his new home in awe.

and him.

the young boy staring out the window with wide eyes as the car pulled into the driveway of the house beside yours.

you darted inside to tell your mom you had new neighbors.

at dinner time, she took you over with some food. “hello, we live right next door.” she introduced herself to the woman that opened the door. “i just thought you guys could use a warm meal with moving and everything.” behind her legs, you could see the little boy peeking at you.

she invited you in and you remember the way their house looked so devoid of life. what was supposed to be the living room was a sea of boxes. your mother sat beside his mother on the old brown leather couch that sat in the back of the room.

you caught soobin’s gaze, watching you taking in the sight of his new home. he looked away when he noticed you looking at him. you moved to sit beside him on the floor.

“i saw you,” he said when he registered your presence beside him.

“what?” you were slightly taken aback.

“outside.” he clarified. “you were on your bike.”

“oh,” you muttered. “my name is y/n.” you reached out to shake his hand. he looked at you, a bit puzzled, yet mirrored the gesture, his grip gentle and feeble.

“i’m soobin.”

“how old are you?”

“i’m almost 10.” he answered, glancing down at his hands.

“why did you move here?”

“my dad got a job.”

“do you want to ride bikes tomorrow?”

“i don’t know how.” soobin looked at you, uncertainty flickering in his eyes, his shy demeanor even more pronounced.

“i can teach you.” you offered.

and the next morning, at 11 sharp, soobin showed up in front of your house ready to learn. after that afternoon, you decided that you liked him and he was going to be your best friend. he didn’t talk much but he always listened to you, with a goofy smile plastered on his face. when he did talk, he answered all your questions thoughtfully. and most importantly, even after he fell down multiple times, he still showed up at your house the next day, waiting to learn.

by the time you got to middle school, everyone knew that you were two peas in a pod. from the day you met, everywhere you went, soobin wasn’t far behind, following you like a lost puppy. you always carpooled together; you always ate lunch together; you were even in all the same clubs.

and so when eighth grade began, you two were separated for the first time in five years and it was so hard for you to adjust to not seeing him every second of every day.

the first morning of the school year, you stopped yourself from asking your mom where soobin was when he wasn’t at your car waiting for you. you wandered through the halls to your regular lunch table a little surprised and mostly disappointed when you didn’t see him sitting with an extra cookie he always got from the lunch lady. after school, you sat awkwardly, alone, on the bench outside of the school building waiting for your mom to pick you up.

when you got home, you didn’t even bother going up to your room. you threw your backpack on the couch and made a beeline for his house. you flopped onto his bed with a sigh as soon as you got to his room, the softness of the mattress cradling you. he didn’t look up from where he sat at his desk doing his homework, but he acknowledged your arrival with a quiet hello. 

“how was your first day of high school?” you asked, emphasizing the last part of your question.

“it was okay.” he scribbled something in his book.

“just okay?” you pressed.

“it was kind of weird.” he turned his chair around and finally looked up at you.

“did you miss me?”

“yeah, a little,” he confessed. a soft warmth bloomed in your chest, and you couldn’t help but smile to yourself.

“i think i might try out for the football team,” he blurted out of nowhere. “or maybe basketball? i don’t know yet.” you bursted out in laughter.

“did i say something funny?”

“you have no athletic bone in your body.” you countered, still chuckling.

“we don’t know that.”

“oh, we do,”

he moved to join you on the bed, books in hand, and you watched him with a fondness that didn’t need words as he made himself comfortable.

“i always tell you not to wear your outside clothes on my bed.” he jokingly admonished.

“do you like your school?”

“i mean, it’s only my first day. but it was okay.”

you paused, both to process what he just said and to figure out how to word what you really wanted to say. “i don’t want you to forget about me or stop hanging out with me or whatever.”

“you’re literally going to the same school next year.” he teased you.

“i know, but still.”

“you’re a hard person to forget about, y/n.”

“you’re just saying that,” you felt the blood rush up to your cheeks, and subsequently rushed to hide your face in his sheets.

“no, i mean, you literally wouldn’t let me forget about you.” he laughed and in response, you threw a pillow at him.

but in the back of your mind, you knew he was right – you couldn’t let him forget about you. and as the days rolled on, you made it a point to go over to his house for hours after school. at least for the first month and a half of the smeester. that was until the demands of school grew and he started having to stay after school for clubs and going over to people’s houses for projects. by the time the holidays rolled around, your moments together were reduced to the seconds you saw him in the mornings when you were both leaving for school. and for the most part, it stayed like that going into the summer.

the summer after eighth grade, you saw soobin a total of three times.

the first time you saw him was on memorial day. your dad, not exactly the biggest fan of your plan to stay home the entire summer, pushed you out of the house to go to his family’s barbecue. you went to soobin’s house with a tray of cookies (because you never go to someone’s house empty handed, your mom told you beforehand). he greeted you with a casual wave before disappearing upstairs to play video games with his friends. you lingered around his house for ten minutes, until you felt completely uncomfortable by yourself, when you slipped away back to your room, cocooning yourself in your bed, tears tracing paths down your cheeks, soaking into your sheets beneath you.

the second time was sometime right after the fourth of july. his dad was taking him on a fishing trip and you just so happened to be getting the mail as they were leaving. you tried to pretend not to see him, eyes fixed on the ground, your heart pounding. and you thought it worked. but later that day, a message lit up your phone screen – soobin confessing that he missed you. you deliberated for two hours before typing out a guarded response: “me too.” two weeks stretched out like an eternity before his next message came.

the third time was actually the day before your first day of high school when he came over to your house under orders from his mother. he stood at your bedroom door, a mixture of apprehension and determination etched across his face.

when you opened the door, all the feelings of abandonment came flooding through your mind – every time you cried thinking about how he was ignoring you, every time your parents had to force you to get out of the house and breathe in fresh air, everything came at once.

“what are you doing here?” you spat at him. your words were a shield, sharp and defensive.

“my mom said i should come check on you.” he responded, his hand absently massaging the back of his neck. you yielded, allowing him to enter the room, but he hesitated, lingering by the door, too afraid to sit down.

“are you nervous about high school?” he ventured.

you met his gaze, scanning his eyes for sincerity. “not really.”

“i’m sorry,” he admitted, his voice heavy with regret. “i’ve been pretty shitty to you this year.”

“yeah, you have been pretty shitty.”

“i meant it when i said i missed you.”

“i know.”

“are we good?”

he didn’t really apologize, you understood that. but sometimes, especially in that moment, it seems easier to forgive him than confront him about how horrible he made you feel. and so you concede, not realizing that you’re setting the precedent for you guys to saunter in and out of each other's lives as you please. “yeah, we are.”

you invite him to sit on the bed with you and he joins you.

“so, what is high school really like?” you ask, trying to clear the air of tension that lingered.

“well, it’s nothing like high school musical,” he began.

and although you were apprehensive about forgiving him so quickly, you couldn’t deny how good this felt. sitting here with him, not thinking about the future or the past. just being here talking about nothing and everything at the same time. if you could, you would have captured this moment and put it in a snow globe to look at everyday.

the next morning, you stood at the threshold of the school building, soobin towering beside you. as you walked into the school together, you couldn’t help but notice the subtle shift in the atmosphere. soobin seemed to be a lot more popular than he led on and he navigated the halls with a confidence that belied his usually reserved nature. students and teachers alike greeted him as you walked through the halls.

“okay, mr. superstar,” you teased.

“well, i am class president.” he tells you shyly.

“why didn’t i know this?” you wondered aloud. he offered you a nonchalant shrug but continued guiding you through the labyrinth of corridors that made up the school. 

as you approached your classroom, the reality of where you were dawned on you. you turned to soobin, seeking reassurance from him. “i’ll see you at lunch?”

“yeah,” he affirmed.

with a final smile, you slipped into the classroom, taking a seat beside a girl who was looking at you with wide eyes.

“you know soobin?” she blurted out when you sat down.

your brows furrowed in confusion. “yeah?” you answered, taken aback.

“how?”

“uh, he’s my friend.” you explained, scanning the room for an empty seat.

a spark of hope lit up her eyes. “can you introduce me to him?”

you hesitated, your discomfort growing with each passing second. “i don’t even know you.”

a wave of awkwardness washed over the both of you. without waiting for a response, you quickly gathered your things, seeking refuge in a different seat on the other side of the classroom. what the hell was that? you thought to yourself as the other students filed into the class.

save for that strange moment in the first period, the rest of your classes went by completely unremarkable until lunch time rolled around. you arrived at the cafeteria fifteen minutes after lunch started. you were trying to navigate the way between hundreds of bodies in the hallway and found yourself in a completely different wing of the school. why does a high school have to be this big? you asked yourself when you collided with a girl.

“are you okay?” you asked her.

“yeah, i’m just trying to find the cafeteria.” her response came with a note of relief.

“me too. i’m y/n.”

“i’m yuna and this school is way too big.” she remarked, a trace of exasperation lacing her words.

“yeah, i got a tour this morning and i’m still confused.”

should we ask someone for help?” yuna suggested.

“yeah,” together you venture into a nearby classroom to ask a teacher for help.

meanwhile, in the cafeteria, soobin took advantage of your little detour to offer a preemptive warning to his friends about how to act around the freshman girl that was going to be eating lunch with them.

“i’m serious, you guys, don’t be weird.”

“when have we ever been weird?” beomgyu asked, but his playful tone is punctuated by a stray fry launched by kai, which found its target on taehyun’s head.

soobin gave beomgyu a knowing look.

“we won’t be weird, okay?” his friend reassured him. “what’s with the girl anyways?”

“she’s my best friend and i don’t want you guys to scare her.”

you finally make it to the cafeteria with yuna by your side. soobin introduced you to his friends, and you briefly remember them from memorial day. as the lunch period dragged on, you sat quietly, observing soobin in his element. you never felt this way before, but watching the way he interacted with his friends made him a little more attractive in your eyes. there was a magnetism in his confidence and you couldn’t help but entertain thoughts that had never crossed your mind before.

and from them, you found yourself yearning for those stolen glances, fingers brushing in passing and shared laughter that lingered just a little longer than usual.

being best friends with someone older than you had its perks, especially when that person was as smart as soobin. you were pretty good at biology freshman year, and chemistry was okay too. but no one warned you that knowing the powerhouse of the cell or all the symbols of the periodic table was enough to equip you for an honors physics class.

even though you stayed up for three nights in a row, you didn’t expect to do so bad on the unit test. it was embarrassingly bad. like bringing the class average down bad. like being handed back a folded test bad. you opened your test packet hesitantly, only to quickly close it again upon seeing the harsh, red “36/100” glaring back at you. the room seemed to close in around you, the disappointment heavy in the air.

after class, you went to meet your teacher. “are you sure there’s no way i could get some extra credit or something?” you asked, your voice carrying a mix of desperation and determination.

“y/n,” he said, his tone firm. “if i give you extra credit, i have to give everyone extra credit,” he advised. “if you want a better grade, i suggest you study harder.”

“fucking asshole,” you mutter under your breath as you left the classroom. the slam of the door echoed down the empty hallway.

yuna, who was waiting for you outside your class, scowled when she saw your demeanor. “what’s wrong?”

“he’s such an asshole.”

“what did he do this time?”

you handed her your test and slung your backpack onto your shoulder in frustration. her face scrunched up when she saw the red ink that scattered the page. she reached out to gently caress your hair in a soothing gesture. “oh, honey…”

“and he wouldn’t let me do extra credit.”

“didn’t your boyfriend take this class last year?” yuna asked, trying to find a solution.

“boyfriend?” you replied. you knew where she was going with this, but you wanted to see if she would actually say it. but you knew she was never one to back down. “soobin?” she asks.

“not my boyfriend.” you remind her in a singsong voice, causing her to roll her eyes.

“well, i’m pretty sure he took this class last year. just ask him to tutor you.”

you hum, pulling out your phone to text him.

to soob: i hate to ask you this but i really need your help

from soob: you know i’m always gonna help you what do you need

to soob: one quiz away from failing physics can my bestest friend in the whole entire world help me

from soob: you know you don’t need to butter me up but i’ll take it

to soob: you know i love you so much right? can you come over tonight?

that evening, you meticulously laid out your physics notes and textbook on the kitchen island. you were stressing a lot, and in an attempt to calm your racing thoughts, you decided to bake. the sounds of the mixer and the clinking of the measuring cups was always something that soothed your anxious thoughts.

as the timer chimed, you pulled the tray of cookies out from the oven. just as you set them on the cooling rack, the doorbell rang, sending a jolt of nervous anticipation back through you.

you open the door to soobin.

“thank you again for doing this,” you said as you welcomed him inside. you guided him to the island. “i made cookies, so please feel free to take some.”

his eyes brightened with surprise. “you made cookies? i didn’t know you could bake.”

“i started in middle school,” you confessed, a hint of vulnerability crept into your voice. “my therapist said it was a good way to process my emotions. i don’t know.”

“you’re in therapy?”

“yeah, since middle school.”

“oh.”

the atmosphere in the kitchen shifted. you both settle into your seats. the tutoring session began, but despite your best efforts, you found it hard to focus. the equations and diagrams that soobin so easily drew out seemed to blur together and your mind drifted elsewhere. the only thing you could concentrate on was soobin’s long, veiny hands as they gracefully navigated the pages of the physics textbook in front of you.

“should we take a break?” his voice pulled you out of your thoughts.

you blinked, realizing that you had been staring at the same problem for a little too long. “i’m sorry. long day.”

“no, don’t apologize,” soobin reassured you. “it’s getting late anyways. we can always try again tomorrow.”

the next few tutoring sessions followed a similar pattern, but today you managed to gather yourself and focus, determined not to get lost in the small smile that graced soobin’s face whenever you correctly answered a question.

“you know what you’re doing?”

“what?”

“you know what you’re doing. just don’t overthink it.” he was referring to the problem set in front of you.

“oh, yeah,” you replied, your hand moving swiftly across the paper. in your mind, even if you got the question wrong, he would patiently explain it to you. this way, you wouldn’t be trapped in your head, thinking about how close he was to you, close enough to pick up hints of his shampoo, or how pretty his eyes looked with the kitchen lights dancing in them, or how soft his hands felt as they brushed against yours when he took the paper from you.

to your surprise, you managed to avoid any embarrassment for the rest of the session.

“when’s your next test?”

“in two weeks, i think,”

“we can meet a couple of nights a week until then,” he suggested.

as time passed, you found it easier to concentrate, the initial nervousness giving away to a growing confidence. you had to admit. soobin was a good tutor and with each passing day, you felt the weight of the test lessen, until the day of the test.

from soob: test day! how are you feeling?

to soob: i think i’m going to throw up

from soob: please don’t you’re going to do great you know i’m always rooting for you!!

you walked into the classroom with your chin held high, determined to “fake it till you make it” your way into a passing grade, but you spent the rest of the week after that a bundle of restlessness and anticipation.

finally, the day you dreaded the most arrived. the door swung open, and your teacher strode in, a stack of papers clutched in his hand. you held your breath, fingers crossed under the desk as he made his way down the rows, inching closer and closer.

“good job,” he smiled at you when he handed you your test.

after class, you practically sprinted to soobin’s locker, eager to share the news.

“check me out! i’m a nerd like you,” you exclaimed, thrusting the test paper towards him.

“har har,” he let out an amused snort, rolling his eyes. “i knew you could do it. maybe next time we can shoot for a 100?”

“i think we should focus on maintaining this 80%,” you chuckled. “i think this calls for a celebration. can you come over tonight?”

that evening, you and soobin set out to tackle the challenge of baking brownies. he was good at a lot of things but admittedly was very useless in the kitchen.

“it’s fine.” you reassured him, “i can teach you.”

“you’re always teaching me things,” he noted, his ears burning as he looked down at the mixing bowl.

“what are you talking about? i’m literally now passing physics because of you.

“not school things,” he explains. “i mean like practical life things. you taught me how to ride a bike; you taught me how to make friends––”

“i taught you how to make friends?”

“yes, you did. being friends with you just made me outgoing, i guess.”

“hmm.”

“anyways, you’re teaching me how to bake, although i think this might be a lost cause,” he quipped, eyeing the ingredients skeptically.

“just crack those eggs,” you instructed.

while you dealt with other things, soobin stood expertly mixing the batter. “can i taste it?” you asked, holding up a spoon.

“wait, this is so good,” you marveled at your own recipe.

soobin’s gaze met yours, a hint of a smile playing on his lips. he edged closer to you. “you have something…” he said softly, swiping your chin with his thumb, then tasting the chocolate batter from his finger.

“oh, uh, th-thanks,” you stammered, turning toward the sink to hide the elated grin that threatened to give you away. inside, you were almost bursting at the seams.

“so, cookies are for nerves, brownies are for celebration?” soobin asked, as you two settled onto the plush couch.

“and cakes are for when i’m sad,” you quipped, fingers deftly flicking the remote to life. “what do you want to watch?”

“i don’t care. whatever you want.”

wrapped in the cocoon of the soft blanket, you both sank into the cushions, the movie’s glow flickering across your faces.

as the credits rolled on the screen, you and soobin sat up, still close, but the proximity was charged with an unspoken confession.

“did you like the movie?” you asked, attempting to dispel the atmosphere.

“we’ve seen it like a million times,”

“yeah, but still.” you press and he just shrugs.

after a pregnant pause, he finally broke the stillness. “i feel like i need to tell you something.”

your heart quickened, a whirlwind of emotions swirling within. “yeah?”

“i, uh,” his voice wavered for a moment. “i like you,” he admitted, his words stumbling out in a rush, eyes fixed on a point somewhere in the middle distance.

“what?”

“i like you,” he repeated, softer and steadier this time. soobin’s heart raced, his pulse thrumming in his ears as he awaited your response. you, on the other hand, were filled with surprise and something else, you couldn’t even decipher. your breath caught. it was like the air had grown heavier, charged with unspoken desires and uncharted territory.

“oh.” you managed to let out. “that’s… oh.”

his gaze flickered back to his hands, usually so steady, that laid, slightly trembling in his lap. “it’s fine if you don’t feel the same. i’ve just been dealing with these feelings for a while and i just needed to tell you.”

“soobin, it’s—”

“you don’t have to say anything; i get it.” he interjected, “just forget about this. i value our friendship a lot more, so i don’t want things to be awkward between us.”

“soobin!” you exclaimed your voice firm and determined. “i like you too, but we… we can’t do this.”

“why not?”

“well, for starters, you’re graduating in the spring.”

“and i’m probably going to school, like what? two hours away?”

“i don’t want you to feel like you’re missing out on your college experience by being with me or whatever.”

“y/n, you’re literally my best friend.”

“precisely why we shouldn’t risk it,” you insisted. “i cherish our friendship, and i don't want to jeopardize it.”

“i promise you there’s absolutely nothing that could ever make us not be friends.”

“i don’t… i don’t know.”

“sleep on it, okay?” he conceded, rising from the couch. “i should probably go home.”

you escorted him to the door, the gravity of the moment still lingering. “see you tomorrow?” he asked, framed in the doorway. the threshold seemed both a physical and emotional boundary, like a bridge between the familiar present and the uncertain future of your relationship.

“yeah.”

he leaned forward, a gentle breath of warmth preceding the tender press of his lips against your cheek. ���goodnight, y/n,” he murmured before fading into the night. 

your fingers lightly brushed your cheek, still tingling from where his lips had been. the sensation was still tingling, like a spark of electricity had been left behind. climbing the stairs you couldn’t help but grin from ear to ear. you felt like you were floating as you made your way to your room, crashing on your bed, kicking your feet thinking about the fact that he likes you.

the next day, you decided to skip lunch in the cafeteria. “please can you tell me why we’re eating lunch in the library today?” yuna asks, tossing her backpack onto a beanbag in the corner of the library where you settled.

“something happened last night.”

“did you and soobin finally kiss?” she asked, a sly grin creeping onto her face. you look up at her, trying to suppress your smile.

“well, not really.”

“not really? what happened?”

“he told me he liked me.”

yuna let out an excited squeal, earning disapproving glances from the other students.

“and he kissed my cheek.”

“shut up!” she was practically bouncing in her seat, unable to maintain her excitement.

“yeah, you should shut up.” some guy at a nearby table griped, annoyed by the disruption.

she rolled her eyes, returning her attention to you. “anyways, i’m so happy for you.”

“don’t get your hopes up.”

“oh, no.”

“yuna, he’s graduating soon.”

“okay? i don’t see what the problem is. you’ve had a crush on him forever and he was the one who said it first.”

“i just don’t want to do a long distance thing.”

“he lives right beside you.”

“and he’s moving away in seven months.”

“he’s moving to a different town, not a different country.”

“hey, you guys are making a lot of noise,” the library assistant reprimanded, approaching your table. “and you know you’re not allowed to eat in here.” she referred to yuna’s food.

“sorry,” you apologized, your voice meek.

she walked away, leaving you both to your conversation.

“yeah, ‘cause my carrots are going to crumb all over the books,” yuna quipped, but she complied, tucking away her lunch.

“i just don’t want to lose my best friend.”

with a multitude of thoughts swirling around your head, you knew you needed to talk to soobin. after school, you made your way to his house. as you walked to his bedroom, each step was weighed down by the uncertainty and anticipation that filled your heart.

the soft knock on soobin’s door pulled him from his thoughts. he swung the door open to find you standing there.

“hey,” you greeted, your voice above a whisper.

“hey,” he stepped back, allowing you in. his heart raced, a mix of hope and fear coursing through him.

you walked into his room taking in the decor. it hadn’t changed much from middle school. his walls were adorned with a mix of posters. a bookshelf stood against one of the walls, filled with a well-organized collection of novels, textbooks, and mementos. his desk, which sat by the window, was decorated with photos of the two of you from elementary school that you surprisingly hadn’t seen before. looking at them gave you the motivation to have the say everything that you wanted to say.

he gestured to his bed. you settled into your usual spots, the silence stretching, punctuated only by the soft sounds of the clock. soobin couldn’t help but steal glances at you, the room charged with tension.

“so, we should talk about last night.” you took a deep breath. he turned to face you, his gaze steady, waiting for your words. “i’ve been thinking a lot,” you continued. “and i do want to give this, us, a try.”

a smile broke across his face and you couldn’t help but melt. “you have no idea how happy that makes me.”

you mirrored his smile, a sense of contentment settling in your chest. “but,” you added, your expression turning more serious, “you are graduating soon, so we need to be realistic.”

he nodded. “we can face it together, one step at a time.”

you reach out, your fingers finding his. “okay,”

“can i kiss you now?”

“yes,” you giggled.

he cupped your face, slowly closing the space between you. meanwhile, your hands snaked their way to the back of his neck, pulling him down so his soft lips met yours. the world seemed to fade away, leaving only the sensation of his lips against yours.

the first touch was as light as a feather, but as a surge of emotion overcame the initial hesitation, the kiss deepened. time seemed to stand still and the moment stretched into infinity until you heard a cough coming from the door.

you quickly pull away from the kiss, your heart racing. soobin’s eyes held affection, his fingers still lightly grazing your cheek. you looked to the door to see his mom with her hands on her hips, a playful smirk on her face. “i was just checking to see if you were going to stay for dinner, y/n.” she said, her voice carrying a hint of amusement.

looking down at your hands, that sat in soobin’s hands, you responded quietly. “yeah, i’ll just text my parents.”

“okay,” she left the room with a knowing smile

“that was so,” you squealed in embarrassment, burying your face in soobin’s shoulder. his warmth enveloped you like a comforting embrace as his fingers gently traced patterns on your back.

“at least she likes you,” he joked, making you groan. “we should go downstairs,” he suggests, pulling away reluctantly.

as you proceed to stand up, he playfully tugged you back down, his eyes never leaving yours. “wait.” his voice held a soft urgency, his gaze locked onto your lips. “just one more.” he leaned in, the touch of his lips against yours sending a surge of warmth through your veins. his smile melted into the kiss.

“okay, we can go now.”

you followed him downstairs and avoided his mom’s knowing glances throughout dinner.

for the next few months, you spent almost every day with soobin. the two of you were once again attached at the hip, savoring every moment leading up to his impending graduation.

and the dreaded day of the ceremony arrived. soobin, loose tie in hand, entered his parents’ room with a furrowed brow. “mom, where’s dad?”

“he had to stop by the office, but he’ll meet us there,” she responded, finishing up her makeup. as she finished she turned to her son, her eyes sparkling. “oh my god,” she cooed. “you look so handsome.” she pulled him into a hug.

“god, mom, relax.” soobin chuckled, gently extricating himself from her affectionate grip. he smoothed out the wrinkles on his shirt.

“is it a crime for a mother to be proud of her son for graduating?”

“no, but i need help with the tie.” he gave it to her.

she took the tie, fingers deftly weaving it into place around her neck. “is y/n coming with us?”

“no, she’s going with her parents.”

“you know, i’m really glad you have her in your life.” there was a tenderness in her voice, her eyes fixed on her son as she put the tie around his neck, adjusting his collar.

“that’s random.”

“it’s not random. i’m just saying you’re graduating and going to college soon, and i just don’t want you to take her for granted.”

“i won’t. i promise.”

“ok,” she declared, a smile gracing her lips, indicating that she had finished. “good to go, we’re leaving in ten minutes so go finish getting ready.”

you arrive at your school’s auditorium thirty minutes before the ceremony began. you quickly settle beside soobin’s mother.

“i’m so glad you guys could make it,” she greeted warmly.

you scanned the hall, searching for your boyfriend in the sea of cap and gowns. the familiar hum of your phone in your lap brought your attention back to the present. it was a text from soobin, asking you to meet him outside the auditorium.

“is my dad there?” soobin’s voice held a note of urgency when he saw you.

“not yet, but your mom said he’s on his way. are you okay?” your hand rested comfortingly on his shoulder, trying to steady his nerves.

“i’m just nervous about the speech and the fact that he isn’t here yet.”

“well, he’s going to be here. who would miss their only child’s graduation?” you offered a reassuring smile, attempting to lighten the mood. “and the speech is going to go perfectly, okay?”

“you don’t know that.”

“yes, i do! you’ve been practicing all week. you’re going to do great.”

“what if i mess up?”

“if you mess up, just find me in the crowd, okay? i’ll be with both your parents and my parents, and we’ll all be cheering on you.”

“alright, thank you.” he took a deep, steadying breath.

you reached up, planting a tender kiss on his lips. “you’re going to do great,” you affirmed, and with that, he headed through the student entrance into the auditorium.

the ceremony flowed seamlessly. pride swelled in you as you watched soobin take the stage. his dad slid into your row just as he went on stage, and you offered him a thumbs-up, met in kind.

you returned to soobin’s house with your parents for the celebration. the living room was adorned with congratulatory banners and balloons, the most bright and colorful you’d ever seen his house.

for most of the party, you didn’t see much of him as he was passed around by friends and relatives that wanted to congratulate him. but eventually, at some point in the night he finds you and the two of you escape from the party to embrace the quiet of his room. the room was dimly lit, and mostly quiet, save for the chatter and the music softly playing from outside the door.

“god, i really needed this,” he confessed, stretching out on his bed. you nestled beside him, resting your head on his chest. he enveloped you in arms, fingers entwined with yours. “talking to people is exhausting,” he sighed.

“you were amazing today,” you reassured him.

“because i had you there with me.”

“and your dad came.”

“yeah, half an hour late. i can’t believe he went to work today.”

“at least he was there.”

“i don’t even care anymore. i’m just happy you were there and that we’re here together right now. i can’t wait for this summer.”

“i need to tell you something.”

“yeah,” he turned to you, fingers gently playing with yours.

“you know how i’m vice president of culinary club?” he hummed in acknowledgement.

“well, our faculty advisor told me about this culinary school that she thinks i should apply to for college.” you explained. “anyways she thinks i need to get a job or internship or something this summer to make my application stronger.”

“yeah,” his voice took on a more tentative tone.

“well, she connected me with one of her friends who owns a restaurant downtown and he said that i could, like, shadow him for the summer.”

“that’s great but–”

“i know. i don’t think it’s going to stop us from spending time together. we’ll still be able to do everything that we planned on doing. it’s just not going to be everyday.”

“baby, you don’t have to explain yourself to me.”

“i just feel bad.” your voice softened.

“why?”

“we had so many plans.” you pouted

“and we’ll still be able to do them,” he assured you. “i think it might be good practice for us when i go to school in the fall.”

“yeah, you��re right.”

you leaned up to kiss him, and he kissed you back.

the two of you lingered on his bed, the world beyond the room fading into insignificance. then, a gentle rap on the door pulled you out of your trivial conversations. 

“soobin,” his dad entered the room, voice cutting through the hush. “some of your guests are leaving. go downstairs to say goodbye.”

soobin shot up from the bed. “yeah, i’ll head down now.”

“y/n can i talk to you?” his dad asked. soobin looked back at you before leaving the room.

“yeah, what’s wrong?”

“nothing’s wrong. i just wanted to talk to you about soobin.”

“what about soobin?”

“why don’t you sit down,” he suggested. you complied, perching on your boyfriend's bed. “i wanted to talk about soobin because well he’s going to college in the fall and i just want to make sure that he’s not wasting his experience or losing his focus.”

you weren’t sure how to respond. “i’m don’t know–”

“see y/n, you’re a great girl and you’ve been there for soobin for a long time, but you also distract him.”

“what?”

“i work really hard to make sure that my family can live in this neighborhood and so that my only son can go to a good school. i don’t want to see him waste his life over his high school girlfriend.”

your chest tightened, emotions surging. you wanted to speak up, to yell at him and tell him off for inserting himself into your relationship. you wanted to yell at him for even saying this to you when he couldn’t be bothered to show up for his only son’s high school graduation. you wanted to defend your love and your commitment to soobin. but as the tears welled up in your eyes, the words caught in your throat. all you could manage was a quiet, “okay.”

“i’m glad you understand. i know we both care about him and we both want the best for him.”

he exits the room, leaving you alone with your thoughts and your tears. the last words he spoke echoed in your mind. we both want what’s best for him.

you gathered enough composure and strength, wiping away your tears, and made your way downstairs. you attempted to slip away quietly, but soobin caught you at the door.

“you’re leaving?” the dim light from the porch illuminated his face, casting soft shadows across his features.

“yeah, it’s getting late.”

“are you okay?” he noticed the tremor in your voice.

“yeah, i’m just super tired.”

“oh, okay? what did my dad want to talk to you about?”

“oh, he just asked me to send him the videos and photos i took of you earlier.” the lie tasted bitter on your tongue, but you pushed it out regardless, hoping to shield soobin from the weight of his father’s words.

“are you sure you’re okay?” he asked, taking hold of your hands. “do you want me to walk you home?”

“no, yeah, i’m fine.” you pull him into a hug for what felt like an eternity. if he noticed anything wrong with you after that, he didn’t bring it up. “i’ll see you tomorrow.”

that night, you couldn’t fall asleep. the room seemed to close in around you suffocating in its emptiness. the echoes of the conversation with soobin’s father reverberated in your mind, haunting you.

you grappled with the weight of your fears and insecurities. what if he was right? what if you were holding soobin back? distracting him? the thought had always lingered at the back of your mind since you began dating. and now that he was actually starting at college, that unspoken fear threatened to consume you.

maybe his dad was right. you needed to give him the space that he needed to grow. and it’s not like you had to break up with him. you just needed to keep him at an arm’s length and this summer was a chance for you to learn how to do that with you working. so in the weeks that followed, you found yourself pulling away and creating that distance. the space between you stretched as you took more shifts at work and spent less time with your boyfriend.

“i might move into school a week early,” soobin told you one day when you were hanging out in your room.

you felt your heart sink.

you hadn’t spent that much time together and now you had even less time together. it felt like a cruel twist of fate. still, you masked your disappointment with forced encouragement. “that’s good.” you muttered. “get to know the area better.”

“you think i should go?”

“i mean, if you want to. it seems like a good idea.”

“okay,”

as the day arrived for soobin to leave for school, you felt a void open up within you. the weight of missed moments and unspoken words crushed your soul, suffocating in their intensity. you called out of work but stayed in bed all day, cocooned in the covers, crying about the fact that you couldn’t allow yourself to savor the little time you had with soobin.

when soobin facetimed you later that evening, your heart both leapt and sank at the sight of his face. “hey, let me see your face.”

“i look horrible,” you groaned, but still revealed your face that was covered by your blankets and pillows.

soobin’s brows furrowed when he saw your face with your eyes red and your nose puffy. “have you been crying?”

“no, i’m just sick.” you tried to hide it, to mask the pain, but the cracks in your facade were all too evident.

“please, y/n, don’t lie to me.”

the raw vulnerability in his voice cracked something open within you. “i just miss you and i wish I could have helped you move in.”

“maybe i can come home on the weekend after classes start?” you wanted to revel in the possibility of seeing him again so soon, however the question lingered heavy in the air.

“do you think i’m holding you back from getting the full college experience?”

“where did that come from?”

“what if there’s like… i don’t know, a really cool frat party that weekend? would you miss out on that for me?”

“i think i’d rather see my girlfriend than go to some hypothetical frat party.”

“i’m being serious.”

“do you not want me to come home?” his question hung in the air, like a delicate thread of vulnerability. the room seemed to pulse with unspoken tension. your fingers tightened around the edges of your blanket, grasping for comfort and grounding, as you thought over your answer. every second of the silence felt like a weight on your shoulders.

you sighed. “i do, but–”

“then what’s the problem, y/n?” soobin’s voice, slightly raised, tinged with frustration, cut through the hush. “it seems like ever since the summer started you’ve been pushing me away, and i don’t know if i did something wrong.”

“you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“so what’s up?”

“i just don’t want you to feel like you’re wasting your time focusing on your high school girlfriend when you have so much life ahead of you.”

“you’re not just my high school girlfriend.” his voice softened.

“that’s not what i meant.”

“you’re also my best friend. and i don’t ever feel like i’m wasting my time by being with you.”

you contemplate telling him what his dad said, but you ultimately decide against it.

“what are you thinking?” he asked after you didn't respond for a while.

“i don’t know.” you confessed, your voice barely louder than a whisper.

“i need you to be honest with me because i don’t know what you need or how much more i can reassure you that you’re it for me.”

“maybe we should take a break?” the words slipped out before you could stop them.

“what?” soobin’s eyes widened, disbelief and hurt dancing in their depths.

“just maybe for the semester.” you rushed to explain, “so you can get your footing in school and i can focus on college apps.”

“so, you want to break up?”

“not like a real breakup. we’ll still talk and everything, just with some space.” he looked away, his jaw clenched, like he was processing the idea.

“i can’t believe you’re suggesting this.” his voice cracks as he blinks back the tears welling up in his eyes.

“maybe it’s what we need right now. we’ll still talk.” you promised, mostly trying to convince yourself.

the call ended and the weight of your decision settled on your chest, like a heavy ache that echoed the emptiness you felt inside. in your head, you were making the right choice for both of you, but that didn’t make it any easier. and as hard as you tried to maintain your relationship with soobin, over the next few months, the calls and messages became less frequent. the space between you was growing wider and each interaction held a bittersweet tinge, a mix of familiarity and the painful reminder of what once was.

the next break from school came quicker than you had expected. you sat at your desk, catching up on homework as the late morning sun streamed through the window, casting a warm glow across the room. the creak of your bedroom door announced your dad’s presence.

“how are you doing?” he asked, his voice tinged with concern.

a faint smile danced on your lips as you turned to face him. “i’m not going to kill myself dad,” you joked, trying to lighten the mood. “i’m just doing homework.”

“you’ve been in your room all break. i think i’m allowed to be worried.”

you bristled, the walls rising around you like a fortress. “well you shouldn’t be, okay? i’m fine.”

“okay so you don’t care to know that i saw soobin’s car pull up into the driveway?” he asked. you let out a soft, almost imperceptible sigh, your gaze shifted to the patch of sunlight dancing on the floor.

“are you going to see him?” he gently suggested.

“i don’t know if he wants to see me,” you admitted, your voice a hesitant whisper. the weight of uncertainty settled around you, and your dad’s brow furrowed in empathy. he approached you to comfort you. “i think i messed up,” you confessed, the words tasting bitter on your tongue.

he paused to study your face, and then he spoke, his tone filled with reassurance. “i’m sure whatever you did isn’t that bad. who could ever not want to see you?”

a small smile tugged at the corner of your lips, grateful for his attempt to ease your worries. “you’re just saying that because you’re my dad.”

he reached out, placing a reassuring hand on your shoulder. “you know that’s not true. and you know he wants to see you because he cares for you, and he knows you care for him too.”

“and what if that’s not enough?”

his gaze softened, “then you shouldn’t base your worth on what some guys thinks of you.”

“some guy? i thought you liked soobin.”

“yeah, but i like you more.” he pulled you into a warm embrace, the strength of his love wrapping around you like a shield. as he left the room, a sense of comfort lingered in the air. you sat there, the moment stretching, the decision before you felt like a bridge to cross, but you chose to not let fear dictate your actions.

with a determined exhale, you reached for your phone.

to soob: hey, i saw you just got home. whenever you get a chance, can you come over? i think we need to talk.

later that night, in the quiet stillness of your room, you receive a knock on your door. your heart quickened. you leaped out of bed, ready to face whatever awaited for you on the other side of the door. 

“hey,” you breathed, the door swinging open to reveal soobin.

“hi,”

“please come in,” you invited him in. you held the door open, allowing him to step into your sanctuary. “how have you been?”

“good,” he replied, though there was a subtle hesitance in his tone.

“really?”

he left out a soft chuckle, a nervous habit that betrayed the calm facade he tried to maintain. “well, no, but i thought it was the appropriate thing to say.” his hand moved to rub the back of his neck. “how are you?”

“been better,” you confessed.

he settled onto the edge of your bed, and you joined him.

“so you wanted to talk?”

“i’m sorry,” the words tumbled from your lips.

“for?”

“everything?” the raw honesty of the moment threatened to engulf you. “asking for a break, not talking to you. i messed everything up.”

“you didn’t mess anything up,” he countered.

“but look at where we are,” you murmured, your gaze falling to the floor, unable to bear the weight of the truth in his eyes.

“and where is that?”

“here.” you took a deep breath and looked into his eyes. “i just want us to be good like before,” you said after a long pause.

soobin’s expression softened, “me too. i’ve missed you.”

“like crying and throwing up every night?” you teased.

“eh, something like that,” a hint of a smile played on his lips, the lamplight catching the warmth in his eyes.

“good to know,” you replied, a smile tugging at your own lips.

“i’ve said this before, but you’re really it for me.” 

“is that so?”

“yeah, even though your dad was giving me a stank as i was coming upstairs.”

“he was?”

“yeah, and i thought your parents loved me.”

“they do!”

“that doesn’t sound convincing,” he joked, a genuine laugh filling the room, echoing off the walls.

“they do, they do.” you try to convince him. “they’re just really protective.”

“well, how can i get in their good graces again?”

“maybe by kissing me.” you suggest, teasingly.

“you think kissing their daughter is going to make them not hate me?”

“yeah, i think it might be a start.” you replied, your voice soft, but sure.

“okay.” 

he cups your face, pulling you into a tender kiss. as your lips met his, a surge of warmth spread through you, grounding you in the present moment. your hands found their rightful place on the back of his neck, fingers intertwining with the soft strands of his hair. in that fleeting, stolen breath of moment, the world outside seemed to dissolve, leaving just the two of you suspended in this fragile, but powerful connection.

when you finally pulled away, the room took a breath with you. in that moment, everything felt right again. you were back to your version of normal, and it was perfect.

soobin sat cross legend on your bed waiting for you to bring up some snacks. it was the first weekend of your spring break and he decided to come down to surprise you. while waiting for you, his gaze fell upon a large envelope on your bedside table, its seal embossed with the emblem of the culinary school that you had told him about.

“okay, this is a new recipe that i’ve been working on.” you announce, walking into the room with a plate of cookies in your hand. “i want you to be honest with me. that being said, if you hate it, i’m going to cry.”

“why didn’t you tell me that you got in?” he asked as he inspected the envelope.

“because i’m not going.” you set the plate on your bed.

“why not?” concern was etched into the lines of his face.

“for starters,” your gaze drifted to the windows. “i got more money from other schools. besides, it’s on the other side of the country.”

“so?”

“so, that’s too far.”

“but you knew where it was when you applied,” he pressed. “and it’s your dream school.”

“that doesn’t matter, soobin.”

“well, why not?”

“because, you’re here.” you admitted.

“so, you’re staying for me?”

“you don’t want me to?”

“no,”

“oh,”

“y/n,” he leaned forward, reaching out to touch your hand. “i don’t want you to give up on your dreams because of me.” his thumb was tracing patterns on your hand. “why is it so easy for you to understand when it comes to me but not when it comes to you?”

“i’m not giving up on my dreams,” you argued, your eyes meeting the boy on your bed with determination. “i just want to be with you right now.”

his fingers tightened around yours, trying to grasp the gravity of your decision. “we can still be together.”

“with 2000 miles between us?” you questioned. “we could barely handle a hundred. we’re finally good again. i don’t want to go to school across the country and have that change.”

“nothing’s going to change.”

“you don’t know that.”

“you’re right, i don’t know that.” he began, “but i do know that we literally broke up six months ago, and now i’m sitting on your bed again.”

“it wasn’t a break up; it was a break,” you interjected, a small smile playing on your lips.

“okay,” he dragged out the last syllable. “but my point still stands. we’ve been through a lot and we always end up right beside each other.”

you get your laptop from your desk and log into the admissions portal. “are you going to accept it now?”

“no time like the present.”

five months later, you found yourself getting in a taxi to your dorm with your parents by your side. they insisted on driving you there, but you managed to convince them that a cross country road trip would cause more harm than good to your familial relationship.

as you settled into the backseat of the cab, the familiar scent of your mother’s perfume enveloped you. the engine hummed softly beneath you, and the rhythmic sound of tires on pavement created a comforting backdrop.

your mother’s eyes sparkled with a mixture of excitement and a touch of sadness. she reached over and gently squeezed your hand, her grip warm and reassuring. “are you excited, honey?” she asked.

your father, who sat in the front seat, spent the entire ride bombarding you with questions about pepper spray.

you managed to drown out your parents, looking out the window, watching the cityscape evolve as you approached your dorm. the towering skyscrapers seemed to reach for the sky, casting long shadows over the bustling streets. you felt a knot of nervous energy settle in your stomach.

at your dorm, your parents helped you carry your bags up to your room. the air tingled with the scent of freshly painted walls and the promise of new beginnings. your room was a blank canvas, waiting for you to imprint it with your personality.

as you unpacked, your mother offered suggestions for organizing your belongings, and your father, more practically, made a list of all the necessities you needed to get like extra blankets and a first aid kit.

yuna, whose school went back in session a few days earlier, texted you inviting you to hang out with her and her roommate. you walked your parents back to their hotel, eating takeout from a nearby chinese restaurant in their room.

as the meal came to an end, there was a bittersweet air, as you gathered your things and left their room. you met yuna in a park downtown, sitting with her roommate. you ran towards her, the anticipation and joy bubbling over. she enveloped you in a tight hug. “i’m so glad you’re finally here.”

as you walked through the park, the conversation flowed effortlessly. you felt a sense of peace settle over you. it was like the first taste of the home you were building for yourself in this new, unfamiliar place.

you arrived back at your dorm alone. your room greeted you with a sense of familiarity. your side was a collage of memories and personal touches – framed photos, trinkets from home, and the soft glow of fairy lights casting a warm, golden hue.

you sat on your bed, looking out the window, the skyscrapers now standing in line with you. the city’s pulsed thrummed faintly in the distance. gone were the nerves that accompanied you earlier. in their place, a newfound sense of determination settled within you. you knew you had to do what you needed to make this place your own. it was the beginning of a new chapter, and you were ready to embrace it with open arms.

and luckily for you, this new chapter did not come at the detriment of your relationship at first. for the first two months of the semester, you and soobin were still talking everyday and about everything – your classes, the new recipes you were working on, how one of your professors worked at one of the most famous restaurants in the world, and about your friends, how much yuna’s presence helped you settle in, how your roommate neither leaves the room nor says a word to you.

for the first time in this relationship, you could almost say that everything was fine.

but as time went on, you felt yourselves shifting into your old patterns of not talking to each other. in the back of your mind, you couldn’t shake off the feeling that soobin had lied. it seemed like everything was changing. or maybe he was right. maybe this was how it always was. there were never enough hours in the day for you guys to be together and you were coming to find that had always been a pattern throughout your relationship. it was just like eighth grade, or the summer before he left for college, or his first semester of college. the story was almost exactly the same – first it was missing texts because of conflicting class times and time zones. but then hours became days which became weeks and before you knew it, winter break was knocking on your door.

this was the first time you would see soobin in four months and the only thing that you wanted to do was melt into his arms. the familiar sights of your childhood neighborhood rushed past as your dad drove you home from the airport. every turn brought you closer to that one house on the street, the house that held so many memories, and now, the promise of reconnection.

as the car pulled into your driveway, you couldn’t contain your excitement. leaping out, you dashed inside your house, tossing your bags onto your bedroom floor with reckless abandon.

his mother greeted you at the door. “y/n, honey, you’re back!” she exclaimed, pulling you into a tight embrace.

growing up, you never spent much time outside of soobin’s bedroom in his home. his father’s relentless work schedule and his mother’s hesitancy to host guests left the rest of the house shrouded in a quiet unfamiliarity. as you walked through the hallways, you thought about how cold and gray the house looked the summer they moved in. it wasn’t much different now.

a deep breath steadied you as you approached soobin’s closed door.

some things didn’t change. the butterflies that swarmed around in your stomach were a constant companion that signaled you were exactly where you needed to be. but then you thought about how lonely you were without him this semester and you decided that maybe everything changing was for the best.

“y/n, you’re home?” his face betrayed him showing confusion. he never had the best poker face.

“yeah,” you affirmed softly, pushing open the door. there, before you, sat a girl at his desk.

or not.

“uh, this is my friend from school, arin. she couldn’t get a flight home for winter break, so she’s staying here.” soobin explained.

“oh,” you responded with a mix of emotions swirling beneath the surface.

arin extended her hand to you. “hi, it’s so nice to meet you. you must be soobin’s neighbor.”

“and his girlfriend,” you added, declaring your place in the room.

awkward tension hung in the air, a palpable shift in dynamics. as the evening unfolded, you settled into a corner of the room, watching the two converse. your gaze shifted between them, your mind a whirlwind of emotions. you marveled at the ease with which they fell into conversation, recounting stories, laughing. a truly unsettling sight. a pang of envy tugged at your heart.

as the night wore on, their voices became a distant hum to you. you felt like a silent observer, a piece of scenery, fading into the background. you did not plan on watching your boyfriend giggle at someone else’s stories for three hours. you longed for his attention, but that seemed like an impossible request.

soobin, engrossed in his conversation, was too oblivious to your discomfort. it wasn’t that he didn’t care, but rather he was just caught up.

you watched them with a mixture of longing and resignation, trying to convince yourself that this was just a temporary moment of disconnect and that soobin would turn his attention back to you soon. but with each passing minute, that hope waned.

gathering resolve, you got up. “i think i’m going to head home.” you announced.

soobin and arin turned their attention to you, momentarily pulling away from their conversation. 

“are you sure?” soobin asked you.

you nodded. “yeah, it’s been a long day. i’ll see you later, soobin. it was nice to meet you, arin.” you turned back to your boyfriend, waiting for his response.

“i’ll walk you home,” he offered.

leaving the room, you couldn’t help but steal a glance back at arin, who was now engrossed in something on her phone. the ache in your chest grew.

the two of you stood in front of your house, the chill of the evening air settling around you. the soft glow from the porch light illuminated the path that led to your front door.

“so, she’s staying the entirety of winter break?” you asked.

“yup,” soobin replied, his words punctuated by a casual pop of the ‘p’. “is there something wrong?”

you hesitated for a moment. “no,” you finally shook your head, a small, rueful smile gracing your lips. “i just wanted to spend time with you alone.”

“we can still spend time together,” he assured. “i feel like you two would get along. she’s a lot like you.”

the reassurance didn’t offer the comfort you sought. instead, it settled uneasily in your stomach. you offered a distracted response, your gaze drifting from the quiet street to your front door. 

“yeah, maybe.”

“are you okay?” soobin asked, pulling you back to the present moment.

you forced a smile, masking the swirl of conflicting emotions beneath the surface. “yeah, just tired.”

“okay, goodnight, i’ll see you tomorrow.” he said, leaning down to kiss you. the touch of his lips felt foreign, like a puzzle piece that no longer fit quite right. it was an odd sensation, leaving you with a lingering sense of disconnection. like you were slipping away from each other. you didn’t want to think too much about it, but deep down you knew that no matter how tightly you tried to hold on, it would be no use.

“goodnight,” you whispered, stepping back and slipping into the warmth of your house.

the days that followed were a dance of awkwardness and unspoken tension. you yearned for soobin’s attention, for the familiar touch of his hand, but it just seemed so out of reach.

one chilly afternoon, you all gathered at a small diner on the corner of town. the warm scent of comfort food wrapped around you as you settled into the vinyl booth opposite arin. your boyfriend trailed behind you, hesitating for a moment before sliding into the booth beside you, a subtle shift that did not go unnoticed. it was a tiny pang, but it was there.

you smiled and tried to shake off the unease, focusing on the menu in front of you. as you chatted about school and plans for the break, you couldn’t help but notice soobin’s gaze flickering between the two of you. it was as if he was trying to find balance in a delicate equation.

another time, the three of you planned to visit the ice skating rink. when you arrived at soobin’s house, you were met with the unfamiliar sight of arin in the front seat of the car. you hesitated for a moment, unsure of where to sit. the glance you exchanged with arin held a silent question, but before you could say anything, soobin assured you it wasn’t a big deal.

as the car pulled away, the hum of their conversation and the pulse of the music filled the space, leaving you feeling like a distant observer.

you invited soobin over for a movie night, so imagine your surprise when you opened your front door to see both of them. you smiled dropped as you welcomed them into your house. this was supposed to bring back a flicker of normalcy. you were supposed to nestle into your boyfriend’s side. but even as the movie played, there was a subtle shift in the air. every moment spent with arin was a reminder of the growing distance, like a river slowly widening between you and the person you held closest.

then came that one precious weekend, a rare convergence of circumstances. both of you found your parents out of town at the same time. you invited soobin over and unfortunately, arin was working on a project for school so she couldn’t join. you had to stifle a surge of joy that threatened to bubble over.

“i’m so happy that we’re finally spending time together,” you exclaimed, gently closing your bedroom door behind you. soobin sat on your bed, with your computer resting on his lap. “alone.” you emphasized, a smile playing on your lips.

with purposeful steps, you crossed the room. you carefully lifted the laptop from his lap, placing it on your bedside table. then, with a graceful movement, you straddled his lap, feeling the warmth and familiarity of his presence beneath you.

“i really missed you,” you murmured, your breath mingling with his. leaning in, you captured his lips in a tender kiss.

the room pulsed with newfound energy as the kiss deepened. soobin’s touch was gentle as his hands found their place on the small of your back, holding you close, grounding you in the moment.

as passion ignited between you, a fire that had been smoldering for far too long, you hands moved with purpose, fingers deftly working to remove the barrier that separated you from him.

but then, he pulled away, his breaths coming in measured, uneven intervals. “w-what are you doing?”

“i’m ready,” you replied, your own voice barely above a whisper. the air crackled with tension, every beat of your heart echoing in the silence that followed.

he sat up straighter, his gaze locked with yours. “are you sure?”

“yes, soobin, i’m sure,” you asserted, mustering more confidence. “i want this.”

he took a moment, his breath steadying, before he spoke. “alright,” he said softly.

he gently guided you back onto the bed. “it might be more comfortable if i’m on top,” he suggested. he removed his shirt, casually tossing it to a corner of your room. “please tell me if you want me to stop.”

you nodded in understanding.

“i’m serious, y/n. i need you to tell me if you’re uncomfortable.”

“okay, i will.”

your heart raced as you laid there, your senses heightened. nervous energy tingled through your veins as his hands caressed your sides. his fingers traced the curves of your hips and thighs slowly. every inch of your body lit with flames as he touched you ever so lightly.

slowly, you mirrored his movements, your hands reached for the hem of your t-shirt. with a deep breath, you took off the old t-shirt to match him, laying eagerly in your pretty pink bra.

he stopped to look at you. “wow.” he breathed out. a rush of warmth flooded your cheeks, and you instinctively buried your face in  your hands. he pulled your hands down. “don’t hide your face from me, baby.” he murmured with tender eyes. “you’re just so pretty.”

you pulled him down to kiss him. “i need you,” you moaned into the kiss.

soobin’s mouth never left your body as he fumbled with his pants. he licked and sucked on your neck, taking his time with his gray sweatpants. soft moans and sighs kept slipping from your lips as he marked your skin.

“wait,” he stopped. “do you have a condom?”

“top drawer,” you breathed out.

soobin reached into the drawer by the bed, his fingers deftly finding the box nestled amidst an array of trinkets.

“open up for me.” you did as he said, and spread your legs a little wider. he could tell you were nervous as he pulled down your shorts. “do you trust me?” he asked, to which you nodded. “it might hurt for a second, but i promise you, it will only be a tiny amount of pain.” you wrapped your legs around his waist and he slowly rocked his hips against you.

you felt him position his hips so that they were perfectly in line with yours, his tip edging your entrance. he began to work his way into you inch by inch, before steadily pushing in until you were filled with his entire length. he threw his head back in pleasure as he bottomed out in you. your hands still on the back of his neck, you nudged him closer to you. “i know it hurts, baby. i’m sorry. just tell me what you need.”

the pain and discomfort was quickly replaced with pleasure. you gasped quietly, and soobin took it as a sign to finally begin moving. he fell into a rhythm of deep slow thrusts just sent you spiraling. he leaned his face down to your neck for a moment, pressing kisses along your flesh and nipping at your shoulder.

“f-fuck, you feel so good.”

he raised his face again, your noses inches apart. your face was contorted in pleasure and he couldn’t help but groan, thrusting into your harder.

“soobin?” you moaned out.

“yeah, baby? i’m right here.”

“i love you.”

he leaned back down to kiss you, his lips trailing down your jawline to your neck.

every kiss, every thrust progressively getting faster was sending you over the edge, making you pant and moan underneath him. the sounds coming from you were making his head spin and he could feel himself getting closer to his orgasm.

he was hitting you in the right spot, causing a knot to form in your lower stomach as you approached your breaking point. the knot in your stomach tightened and snapped. your walls spasmed and clenched around him as you released all over his cock. your body was shaking from the intensity, as you cried his name out. fueling his organs. his hips stuttered and he joined you in climax.

his movements ceased to slow rolls of his hips before eventually stopping.

soft pants and deep breaths invaded the space and filled the room around you. you stayed like that for a moment, catching your breath. he then carefully pulled out. he held your body close to his chest, his eyes softening as he looked down at your exhausted face. 

you nuzzled your head into soobin’s neck, kissing along his jawline. “that was so good.” you said between kisses. soobin responded with a contented hum, his fingers gently rubbing against your arm. the soft rustle of the sheets provided a soothing backdrop to the intimacy you had just shared, cocooning you in a bubble of fleeting bliss

but as the minutes passed, a subtle shift began to settle between you, like a distant tremor foreshadowing an impending quake. soobin’s touch, once tender and reassuring, began to falter. his breath, once steady and calming, now held an undertone of uncertainty.

“i should probably go back home,” soobin said, his arm slowly retreating from around your shoulder. “arin is alone.”

“seriously?” you turned to face him, a mixture of confusion and anger plastered on your face.

“what? she’s a guest.”

“you’re leaving?” you hold onto his arm, desperate to keep him close. “i thought you were going to spend the night.”

“i can’t leave her alone.”

“soobin, i just lost my virginity to you…” your voice trailed off, tears forming in your eyes. your hands dropped to your lap. the room seemed to close in around you, suffocating in its silence.

“y/n–” you could feel your blood boiling.

“don’t.” you shifted away from him on the bed. “i just lost my virginity to you and you want to spend the night with some other girl.”

“i’m not spending the night with her.”

“what’s so special about her?”

“what?”

“why have you chosen to spend every moment of this break with her instead of me?”

“we spend time together.”

“yeah, with her always there.”

the room seemed to hold its breath, the weight of your words settling into the air.

“she’s my friend and i care about her.”

“you care about her?” you asked, your voice barely above a whisper, every word laced with a pain that cut through the silence.

“yes i do. she couldn’t go home for winter break. I just want to make sure she doesn’t feel alone.”

“well what about me?”

“y/n, come on.”

“i told you i loved you.”

“y/n, i–” you could almost hear your heart break. he couldn’t even say it back to you.

you quickly sobered up, your walls rising like a fortress around you. “i think you should leave.”

“hey,” he reached out to hold you, but you swatted his hand away, the touch too little, too late. his fingers hung in the air for a moment before dropping, defeated.

“no. i don’t want you here anymore. you should go home.”

soobin stood up and got dressed. his movements were deliberate and slow as he gathered his scattered clothes. he dressed in silence, every gesture laden with a sense of finality. as he stood by the door, fully dressed, soobin turned to look at you. his eyes held a mixture of regret and longing, a silent plea for understanding that hung in the space between you. you met his gaze, your heart aching with a complex blend of emotions – love, betrayal, and a yearning for something that now felt impossibly distant.

the door creaked open and closed softly, the sound echoing in the hollow space left behind. 

putting on a robe, you sat by your window, watching him go into his house, praying, hoping that he would turn around, see you sitting by your window, come back to you. but he just walked into his house, the door closing with a finality that sent a shiver down your spine. your room felt emptier than ever before.

you laid in your bed and let the tears fall freely, each drop a painful release. the weight of reality settled on your chest. a heavy ache seeped into your bones.

the days that followed felt like a slow-motion train wreck. it was as if the color had drained from the world, leaving only shades of gray. every passing moment that you didn’t hear from soobin was a jagged piece of glass, cutting into your soul. each night seemed longer than the last, filled with the silent echo of his absence.

you didn’t even know what hurt more — the raw vulnerability of giving him everything, only to have him leave, or the deafening silence that followed. the unanswered questions swirled like a storm in your mind. why hadn’t he reached out? was he feeling the same heartache that clung to your every breath?

his parents even visited for dinner and you had to paint a smile on your face throughout to hide the storm that raged within. when his mom inquired about your absence, you concocted a tale, your voice steady even though your heart felt like it might shatter.

other than your parents, the only person you spoke to was yuna, who became your lifeline even though she was on vacation with her parents. she was a voice of reason and a source of much-needed laughter. “honestly, fuck him. and fuck her too,” she declared.

“she didn’t even do anything,” you murmured in arin’s defense.

“who the fuck sits in the front seat of someone else’s boyfriend’s car?” yuna fired back, making you chuckle.

"i wish you were here. it's so miserable. i can't even leave my house because i'm scared i'm going to see him," you confessed, your voice a whisper edged with pain.

"if i was there, he'd probably have to file a restraining order against me."

returning to campus was like stepping onto a battlefield, but yuna was determined to wage war against the memories that threatened to engulf you and make you forget about a certain dark haired boy whose name you were no longer allowed to say. “you know what they say: in order to get over someone, you need to get under someone else.” she proclaimed from your closet, picking out something for you to wear tonight.

“i don’t know if i’m ready to get under someone else,” you admitted, fixing your mascara in your bathroom mirror, dressed in your robe.

“doesn’t matter if you actually do. you just need to get your mind off of him.” she hands you a black dress. “wear this. it always looks good on you.”

and so, you allowed yourself to be swept up in a night of bar hopping. the pulsing music and laughter washed over you like a healing balm. for a few precious hours, you were just another college student, drowning your sorrows in neon lights and thumping bass.

between the nights out, you threw yourself completely into your studies, the pursuit of a summer internship becoming your north star. you came to school to do something, and you weren’t going to let your heartache consume you.

spring was always a happy time for you. the air was warm, carrying with it the promise of renewal. it had been months since you had thought about soobin, and even longer since you had seen him. for the first time since that unfortunate night, you felt like you were completely over him. or at least getting there.

as you strolled back to your dorm from class, the world hummed with a quiet energy. the sun hung low in the sky and the air was soft and warm against your skin. but then you saw a familiar silhouette leaning against your dorm building. time seemed to stretch in that moment, the world around you fading into a blur. your heart quickened its pace, a staccato beat echoing in your chest.

"y/n," he breathed, his voice a soft plea that hung in the air. his presence was a sudden gust of wind, stirring the carefully constructed walls around your heart.

your guard was up, a fortress of steel around your heart. you wouldn't let him waltz back into your life just to tear you apart again. "what are you doing here?" you demanded, your voice steady despite the turmoil within.

"i wanted to talk to you."

"how did you find my address?"

"your mom gave it to my mom, who gave it to me."

you let him into your building, signing him in with the security guards in the front. the familiar surroundings now felt foreign with him there. in the confines of your dorm room, he looked around, his gaze grazing over the familiar details that now seemed foreign.

“you said you wanted to talk. so talk.” you said to him sitting down. you were so grateful that your roommate had gone to class. you really didn’t need her to be in the room with you now.

he glanced around, his face marked with uncertainty. “i don’t know where to start.”

you met his gaze without a word.

“i guess… i could start with sorry.” he offered with a nervous chuckle.

“i think that’s too little, too late, soobin.” you asserted, matter of factly.

“i miss you.”

“you can’t keep saying that.” your shoulders sunk. looking at him now, you could feel all the emotions bubbling back up — the anger, the hurt, the tears, they were all coming back to you.

“i know, but it’s true.” he rushed to add. “that’s why i came here. i wanted to see you. i know we didn’t leave things the right way.”

“soobin, you were the first person i ever had sex with and you left me right after.” you tried to keep your cool and maintain your composure, but it was getting increasingly harder.

“i-i know. i’m sorry,” he stammered, remorse filling his eyes.

“is that all you came here to say? sorry?” he looked at you apologetically, offering no further words. “you hurt me so much and you couldn’t even say anything to me afterwards. i waited every day for months to see if you would ever call me and you didn’t. it was like i meant nothing to you. it was just so easy for you to forget that i existed.” as the words flowed, you felt a strange mixture of relief and sadness wash over you. the wounds were still fresh, but there was a catharsis in finally addressing the unspoken.

“i’m s—” he stopped himself. “i know i hurt you. i don’t know what i can do to make it right.”

“i don’t think there’s anything you can do to make it right.” you said, wiping the slow tears from your face. you sat up, meeting his gaze squarely. “i spent our entire relationship fighting for you to pay attention to me. i can’t do that anymore. i don’t want to beg someone to care about me.”

“i care about you. you know that.”

“do i?”

“i didn’t think this conversation would go like this if i’m being completely honest.”

“i’m not angry at you anymore. at least i’m trying not to be.” you tell him. “and i don’t hate you, if you thought i did. i don’t think i could ever hate you.”

“i don’t think i can’t not have you in my life.”

“i’m still your neighbor.” you joked.

“it’s not the same.” he admitted quietly, sitting beside you. “y/n, i love you.”

“soobin–” you turned to face him, searching his eyes for any sign that he understood the depth of your pain.

“i know, it’s too late. i just wanted you to know.” his gaze fixed on his hands, fingers tracing invisible patterns on his jeans. “i can’t erase the past. but i want to try to make amends, to find a way back to some semblance of… of friendship, maybe.”

friendship. the word hung in the air, a fragile bridge between your shared history and the uncertain future.

“i don’t know if we can be friends. not right now, at least. maybe not ever.”

he looked up, pain etched in the frown lines across his face. “i understand,” he murmured, voice heavy with regret.

silence enveloped, broken only by the distant sounds of life outside. after what felt like an eternity, you finally spoke, your voice softer now. “i think i need time. to you know, figure out my shit.”

he nodded. “i want you to know that i’m sorry. truly.”

“i know.”

with a heavy heart, you walked him to the door. as he left, you closed the door behind him, leaning against it for support. alone in the quiet of your dorm, you let the tears come. finally you had a release of all the emotions long held in check. you had tried your hardest to bury them, but now it was time for them to finally come out. the pain was still there, but with each tear that fell, you felt a small measure of healing begin.

in the days that followed, you took each moment as it came, allowing yourself to grieve for what was lost and to slowly rediscover the strength within you. spring continued to dance outside, and you vowed to find your own renewal.

taglist: @boba-beom @dearlyjun @atinyniki @makoto @bunnie-hq @wiisoob @isabellah29 @pluviophile-xxx

fill out this form to join my taglist! author's note :: finally edited!! classic quintessential fay angst!! we're so back!! I wrote this story over the course of two months. it is the longest thing I have written so far and I am super proud of it. please lmk if I missed any warnings or have any typos. I really hope you enjoyed it

[enluv]

PAIRING! – choi soobin x fem!reader

SYNOPSIS! - What ever happened to them? Suddenly every single photo, thought, and feeling was erased from their lives as if poof, it never existed and once it was gone it left us all wondering, and searching for something more…

or in which fans of the popular singer Y/N begin to wonder what ever happened to the boy she wrote all those loves songs about….

starting: july 11th, 2023 / ending: august 11th, 2023

that’s the thing official playlist -> HERE !!

PSA: now that this is over, i ask that you do not spam like it as you read the full story, if you do so I will have to block you.

warning(s): profanity, dark humor (die, kms, etc. jokes) angst, not unrequited love but relationships where people want different things, fanwars, more to be added (?)

genre: social media au, e2l, non!idol but famous singers + model/youtuber au, angst, fluff, more to be added!

cast: y/n will use the fc of beabadoobee, all of txt, p1h keeho + possible other p1h members, itzy’s yeji , and tbz sunwoo !!

taglist: @jmin-s @stealanity @iijwon @invuwrld @igotkpoops @telesvng @whippedforbeomgyu @l0ve-joy @envirae @neozon3nha @meiiiwa @kangtaehyunfan029 @chaerybae @ch2won @cinnikoi @wccycc @run2seob @stariszn @haew0nz @neoculturewhat @hyuk4ngel @ddeonubaby @oulspvs @sullystraw @liliyaaaaas-library @rainbowszi @fanfangying1304 @tocupid

taglist is CLOSED!

VENUS DELUXE TRACKLIST:

– album teaser track!

000: coming to you live / twerkin on the runway (intros)

001: LOWKEY

002: TEASERS & TOURS

003: SUGARPLUM ELEGY

004: YOU DATED MY GF? (read: soobin’s backstory)

005: SILLY LITTLE ME

006: KRILL YOURSELF

007: HIM & HIS STUPID FUCKING RAT (sorry odi)

008: THE CONCERT

009: SOOBY/N Q & A!

010: I <3 MY GIRLFRIEND! — end!

end of album – restart to track 001?

© all rights reserved to enluv, do not steal, repost or translate.

[flwrkisses]

texts with your boyfriend! soobin.

happy soobin day!! im in finals so unfortunately i didn't have time to write something but- i was able to make these cute text posts to celebrate soobin day!! hope you all enjoy <3!

genre: fluff, established relationship au!

warnings: slightly suggestive, playful banter between lovers, texts are fake.

©flwrkisses ; please do not copy, translate, repost and/or reuse my work without my permission. (2023)

₊˚♡ don't forget to like/reblog to let me know you enjoy this kind of content!

[hyukalyptus]

i need to tell you—idol!soobin x gn!reader | besties pining after each other, right person/wrong time, angst.

cw. angst, suggestive but not smutty, kissing, swearing, i think its a gn!reader? pls lmk if it's not and i'll fix it, reader is from LA and is a performer, reader had feelings while in a relationship but never cheated, mentions of a breakup, kinda implied it was a shitty relationship, lmk if there's anything else. notes. please lmk if there's anything that isn't gn! wc. 2.8K

I never thought this last night with you would happen—I’d known for months you’d be going on a three-month long tour soon, but I didn’t want to believe it. You’d fly in from LA, we’d hang out, play video games, and hide our feelings from each other. Then you’d go back to California, we’d text and call as much as we could, you’d come back, and it would all start over. 

But not seeing my best friend for three months, if not longer, sounds terrible. I take all of you in—your chin resting on your knees that are pulled to your chest, the city lights flickering across your face, the shape of your nose, you look stunning as ever. Your lips are squished by your knee pressing up on your chin and god, I wanna kiss you so fucking bad. 

There’s nothing better than being on tour, but part of me wants you here with me forever. 

But I can’t tell you any of this. Our feelings are undeniable but they need to stay a secret. You’re in a relationship—albeit a dead relationship, but a relationship nonetheless. More importantly, though, you’ll be leaving for three months tomorrow morning. We can’t start something now. 

Or maybe it’s the perfect time to start something. It would be the perfect way to say goodbye. Then again, I don’t wanna add stress to your already stressful tour. You get anxious so easily. Maybe it won’t be that long. 

“When do you think you’ll be back in Seoul?”

You blink out of your thoughts and say, “My last show is in Seoul actually, so…late October, early November.” I nod, taking another sip of my soju. “I don’t know how long I’ll stay though.” You shrug, leaning back on your hands. Turning away from me, you say, “I’m gonna miss you.”

Looking over at you, please just look me in the eyes. I want to see your beautiful eyes as much as I can before you leave. I wanna see you look at me the way you do before you say goodbye—a glint of hope and longing. I need to tell you— 

“I’m gonna miss you too.” That’ll have to do for now. Surely I’m being overly dramatic about all this. I don’t know. You look at me, but glance down as soon as our gazes meet. 

“You’ve become, like, my best friend out here.” 

Another reason why I can’t tell you my feelings. I can’t…I can’t do that to you. You need a friend out here. And if you don’t feel the same way about me—even if I think you do—you’d never talk to me again. And then you’d have no one out here. 

“You’re one of my best friends too,” I add. 

“Ah,” you scoff. “I got hit with the ‘one of’.” I chuckle with you, running my fingers through my hair as you stand to your feet. “I think I should go.”

No. You can’t. I need to tell you—

Standing up to join you, I’m only a few inches from you. I reach for your hand, but you pull it away to adjust your jacket sleeve. 

“Are you sure you wanna go?”

“On my tour?” Your eyes finally meet mine, like are you crazy? And yeah, I kinda am. “Yeah, I think I should go still,” you chuckle. 

“No, I mean,” I start. “Are you sure you wanna leave right now?”

“Oh.” You sigh, looking down at the cars driving down the street, watching the train that we spent hours on go by, watching the lights of the agency building flash. “I need to.” But you don’t want to. “My flight leaves in six hours and I haven’t even started packing.”

“Let me drive you to your hotel?” Please. 

Reluctantly agreeing, we drive in a devastating silence, like we both have the same thing on our minds. And that we both know we have the same thing on our minds. 

Arriving at your hotel, I pull up to the drop-off driveway and you start to hop out. No. Don’t go yet. I need to tell you— 

“Why don’t you park and walk me upstairs?”

I have no idea where this is going, all I know is I’m walking next to you down this hallway with my hands shoved in my pockets while your arms are crossed. Standing in the doorway, you lean back against the door, fiddling with your thumbs, refusing to look at me or open the door. 

Working up the courage, you look up and say, “I’ll see you soon, yeah?” I nod before we say our final goodbyes. The door shuts behind you slowly. No. Not yet. I need to tell you—

Walking away defeated, I hear a door behind me open, but I keep my eyes on the ground. A quiet “Soobin?” comes from behind me. I turn, welcomed by you pulling me into a hug. Your arms wrap around my neck and mine around your waist for what feels like forever. But it’s not enough. No. Don’t pull away yet. I need to tell you— 

Looking in my eyes, you bite your lips as you shift your weight. I can't help but think you’re about to say exactly what I want to hear right now. “Thanks for being such a good friend.” 

Letting out a soft laugh, I smile and say, “No worries.” You wave at me and turn back toward the door before I say your name. Turning back, you wait for me to say something while your hand rests on the handle. Please. Don’t go yet. I need to tell you— “I, uh…” I need to tell you. But I can’t. “Good luck.” 

“One more hug?” Oh, thank god. I nod, managing to keep my excitement from being too obvious. Your arms wrap around my shoulders again while mine fall around your waist, you face digging into my neck. I breathe you in, wishing I could just kiss you already. Pulling apart, you don’t move your arms away. You look in my eyes like you want to say something more. But you don’t know what. Or if you should. “You know,” you start. “I, uh…I wouldn’t be mad if…”

“If…?” 

“Are you gonna kiss me or am I gonna have to—“

That’s all I need. My lips crash into yours. It’s slow. And sweet. Your lips are soft, made kissable by that chapstick you’re always making me carry in my pocket. My hand is on your cheek as you smile against my lips and I lean into the kiss to deepen it. Breaking the kiss, you laugh out loud, your head falling back before you look up at me again. You’re so close to me. 

“For fuck’s sake—I’ve been trying to get you to kiss me all night,” you say. 

“What! No you haven’t.”

“We’ll, maybe I’m not the best at sending signals…” My lips find yours again, but only briefly. “Spend the night?” My eyebrows raise. I don’t know if I should—starting something like that right now is a little risky. And it would make saying goodbye that much harder. 

“Don’t you have to leave for the airport in, like, four hours?”

“Eh,” you shrug. “Yeah, I guess so, but I’d like it if you stayed.” You smile— “We don’t have to, like, do anything. I just wanna…” you take a deep breath, “spend more time with you. Wanna say goodbye in the morning, not right now, you know?” 

I let go of her, backing away. “I dunno if I should…”

“Oh.” You drop your arms to your sides. “Okay. Yeah.” Crossing your arms, you nod softly and bite the inside of your cheek. 

“I want to but,” I sigh. “I just don’t know if it’s a good idea tonight.” 

“I-I just meant hang out,” you shrug. “I’m gonna be packing most of the time anyway. I mean, you definitely don’t have to,” you say. “Just thought you might want to.” 

I keep repeating to myself you’re in a relationship. You’re in a relationship. You’re in a relationship. We already kissed—what’s the harm in spending the night without sleeping together? No. I don’t want us to start like this. 

“I think I should go,” I say, saying our final awkward goodbyes. I’m walking away, but I know you’re still standing there, leaning up against the doorframe. Hope is trying to bubble up as I wait for you to call out my name again. But I’ve told you no. So I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t. I would do the same. Although I just wish—

“I broke up with them.”

“What?” I turn to face you, chewing on your thumbnail as you slowly smile at me before giving me a nod. That’s it. 

Rushing back to you, I hold your face in my hand before kissing you again. We breathe each other in, arms wrapped around each other. 

“Are you being serious?” I ask you through my deep breaths. Biting your lip, you nod with a smirk. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I dunno, I’m sorry,” you start. “I guess I just—I guess I was embarrassed that it took so long,” she says. “And I didn’t want you to think I broke up with them for you. I broke up with them—”

“For you,” I say. You look up at me, mumbling a soft yeah before I say, “It’s okay,” I chuckle, peppering your face and neck with kisses while you giggle and scrunch your shoulders. “God, I’ve been wanting– to tell you–“ I say in between kisses. “For so long– that I have the biggest– crush on you.” 

“I know you do,” you laugh. “I have the biggest crush on you too.”

“Seriously?” You nod and I don’t let up with the peppering of your face with my lips. 

“Okay, okay—“ you say. “Lemme get the door open.” Laughing, you reach in your back pocket for the key, waiting for the buzz and the green light. As we stumble through, we kiss again, both of us in each other’s trance. The room’s spinning, I feel like I’m floating. Our hands roam everywhere. Mine settle on your backside to squeeze while you hum against my lips. Fuck. 

“You know,” I say in between kisses. “I know you said we didn’t have to do anything but I wouldn’t mind—“ 

“Oh yeah, we’re definitely having sex tonight.”

“Okay, good,” I laugh, picking you up by your waist to walk you to the bed. Sitting down, you straddle my waist—always smiling, giggling, being sweet. “You sure?”

“Ah, you’re so sweet,” you say, holding my face in your hands. “Here is me giving consent, yeah?” I nod. “Soobin, yes, I want you to fuck me.” Smiling into a kiss, you break it before saying, “Your turn.”

I say your name confidently, swiping a thumb across the apple of your cheek. “Yes, I wanna fuck you.” 

“Oh shit,” you say, your expression drops. “This is really happening.” My eyebrows stitch together; do you not want to— “I mean, you’re really here,” you say, looking over my face, squishing my cheeks to make my lips pucker. “You’re like…real.” 

“Are you okay?” I ask through my pouty lips. Groaning, you lift off me to plop down on your back, rubbing your forehead with your fingertips.

“Fuck, I dunno.”

“Um,”  I start, resting my hand on your thigh. “It’s okay. We don’t have to,” I say, watching for your reaction. Even if you do want to, there's a voice in the back of my head screaming at me Don’t do this! It’s not the right time! But there’s another part screaming Remember how long you’ve wanted to be with her!? You sit up, sitting criss-cross while you fiddle with the hem of your jeans.

Looking up, you look into my eyes, trying your hardest to put together the words you want to say but don't know how. But I know what you mean. “Soobin…I’m so sorry.” 

Shaking my head, I say, “No, no it’s okay. You don’t need to apologize.” 

“I just don’t think right now is a great time to…y’know, start something like this.” Well, at least it sounds like it would’ve started something, not just end with us having sex. “I just think,” you start, reaching to run your fingers through my hair. “It would make saying goodbye harder.” 

It would be the perfect way to say goodbye too though, no? 

“Yeah, you’re right.” I smile. And you are. I can’t imagine how shitty it would be tomorrow morning waking up next to you knowing I can’t see you for three months. Or even worse—you’ve already left and didn’t wake me up to say goodbye. “Let’s not—”

“I do want to though,” you sigh. “Just not right now,” you say, biting your cheek while playing with the bedsheets. “I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to, like, get your hopes up, I dunno.” 

“Hey, listen,” I say, reaching for your hands. “I was happy when you came out of your room to give me a hug but kissing you…” I hold your face in my hands. “That was—do you know how long I’ve wanted to kiss you?” You shake your head. “I honestly couldn’t tell you either. I don’t remember a time before wanting to kiss you.” Tilting your head, you smile up at me shyly. “But we shouldn’t do anything unless both of us are ready, okay?”

Nodding, you say, “Yeah, okay.”

“You want me to stay?”

“Yes please,” you say. “If you’re comfortable with that?”

“I’ll tell you what…I’ll stay if you let me kiss you again,” I say. “If not…well, then I’ll still stay but you’ll be left kissless.”

“I can’t be left kissless, can I?” You joke, wrapping your arms around your shoulders, pulling me closer. Our lips meet again and it’s just as nice as the first time around. You’re so…perfect is the only way I know how to describe you. We’re trying, trying to tell each other what we want to say. And I think we can both hear it. But not saying it out loud is a pain I don’t know if I can bear. I can feel you start to pull apart, but I can’t yet. This can’t end. 

We hesitantly pull apart and you look at me, “I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing. You’re absolutely fine. I promise.” But I know you’re not apologizing for not sleeping with me. You know you wouldn’t need to apologize for that. I know what you’re truly sorry for. And I’m sorry for it too. 

Tears start to pool in your eyes. Everything is a bit…much for you right now. You know you’re hurting me, you know you’re hurting yourself, but there’s nothing we can do about it. It’s simply not the right time. You need to focus on work and you need a friend while you’re gone. You don’t need to be dealing with a brand new relationship. I get it. I’m in the same boat as you are. 

“Hey…” I hold your face with one hand. “Dance with me?” 

Sniffling, you nod while I let go to turn music on my phone. A song I know you love—Unforgettable by Nat King Cole. 

“Ugh,” you say, wiping your face with the back of your hand. “You’re too sweet.” Wrapping around each other, this is the closest we’ve ever been. Your arms are around my waist as you cuddle into me, mine are around your shoulders, one of my hands on the back of your head. Your sniffles rattle me inside and out. Our hearts beat against each other as we sway, your cheek against my chest as I place gentle kisses to your forehead.

This song is saying everything we want to but can’t. Except for that one thing. Those three words that are being repeated in our heads over and over.  We both want to, need to say it, but we can’t. Now’s not the right time. 

Right now, though, this is perfect. You in my arms, moving to the music with me. And it all feels right, despite that one thing that’s missing. Our lips pull at each other like magnets until they’re pressed together gently and softly. I graze my thumb over your tear-stained cheek and you smile subtly against my lips. Your sniffles are dying down, but they’re still there. They’re still breaking my heart. 

Breaking the kiss, you look up at me and your lips part to say something—I know exactly what you want to say, but I shake my head. This isn't the right time. Closing your mouth, you keep looking at me, taking deep breaths before laying on my chest again. 

Your sniffles start to pick up again—more sporadic, uneven. A tear falls onto my neck and—god, I don’t know if I can handle this. 

“I do though.”

Your voice is strained and devastating. I absolutely hate hearing you like this. I can’t even bring myself to try to look at your face. My heart’s already broken. But seeing your face right now…it’d shatter it into a million pieces and would never be mendable. 

“I know,” I say, kissing your temple. “I do too.”

[jjunberry]

txt! as chase atlantic songs

pairing! txt x reader

genre! angst, slight smut

warnings! toxic relationships

synopsis! songs by chase atlantic i think txt would be

wc! 600

soobin as slow down

“you’re buried in the pillow, yeah, you're so loud”

you were soobin’s dirty little secret. he met you after a show and once he had you, he was hooked. he was laid on the bed and his eyes trailed your form. “come here babe.” he said his voice deep. you crawled up the bed and sat on his lap. his hands gripped your hips, giving them a squeeze. “gonna let me fuck you?” you nodded. “you gotta keep quiet baby.” he said before flipping you onto your stomach. soobin was quick to push your panties the side. using your wetness he coated his dick and slipped in. you moaned out at the feeling. soobin grunted and pushed your face down into the pillow. “be quiet or i’ll cum and send you home needy.”

yeonjun as right here

“i’m right here, here. oh, baby take a look around, i’m the only one that hasn't walked out.”

yeonjun hated your friends. he only ever wanted your attention on him. he slowly drove them out. one by one they fell off cutting contact with you. “i just don’t understand why they go out without me.” you ranted doing your skin care. “come to bed baby, forget them.” he said. you ignored his words continuing your rant. “baby.” yeonjun snapped his voice stern. “i do not care about your fucking friends. now come to bed.” you nodded and abandoned your skin care. yeonjun pulled you against his chest. “i’m the only one here for you, forget them.” he kissed your head.

beomgyu as you too

“if you love it, then you cut the thing loose.”

it was a repeating toxic cycle. fighting, breaking up, getting back together. fucking roughly to bury the reason you faught again. you were tired but you just loved him. you’d forgive anything he did. “y/n we need to talk.” beomgyu said. here we go. another fight. “what now beomgyu?” he leaned against the door frame and watched you change into sleep clothes. “i’m done, i have my bags packed. i can’t keep doing this. it’s exhausting.” you sighed and looked at him. “very funny beomgyu just come to bed.” he ignored your words and walked over kissing you deeply. “goodbye baby.” he turned to leave. “if you leave don’t fucking bother coming back.” he just sighed and walked out.

taehyun as the walls

“honestly she needs a little loving. fuck it, now i’m getting off the subject, yeah, yeah.”

you were lonely. always by yourself. against the wall at parties, in the back of the room. he always spotted you though. there was something about you taehyun couldn’t shake. you needed something or someone. that someone being him. it didn’t take long for you to fall into bed with him. taehyun filled that void and satisfied that need and want within you. he had his hand wrapped around your throat as he thrusted into you roughly. he stilled cumming in you. when he cleaned himself up he left and rejoined the party. you never felt so full yet so alone.

hueningkai as heaven and back

“all in one night. she just went to heaven and back.”

you always wanted him. he just wanted something quick. kai took you out that night. all over the town. different clubs, different parties. you felt so high. kai took you by the hand and lead you do a dingy bathroom. his hand slipped into your pants. your eyes rolled back. before you knew it kai was taking you against the bathroom stall. you felt like you were in heaven. you could feel your orgasm approaching but it was cut short when kai finished and pulled out. he tucked himself away and left the stall. your heart sunk to your feet. it all came crashing down watching him leave you.

author’s note! i got a little carried away with this one…. these are some of my favorite chase atlantic songs soooooooooo it was only fitting i went a little crazy writing this.

tag list! @jjunieworld @304files

love, echo ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪

© jjunberry

[headlinerkwan]

paths - c.sb

pairing: soobin x gn!reader

genre: nonidol!au, exes to ???, firstlove!soobin, angst, some fluff

summary: as you prepare to move back to your hometown, you discover a stack of unsent letters, causing you to reminisce on your first love and break up.

warnings: mentions of death (reader's dad passes away before events in the fic, mentioned but no detail.), some swearing, lots of lowkey pining ._.

wc: 2.5k

a/n: this fic was kind of inspired by 'paths' by niki, and the rest of her new album 'buzz' - go check it out!! requests and my general taglist is now open ･ᴗ･ lmk if you like the fic and reblog if you want, it helps writers out a lot ૮₍´˶• . • ⑅ ₎ა♡

“Mom, I promise there’s nothing to worry about.”

“Are you sure? I can drive up and help.”

“Yes, I’m all packed up, everything’s fine Mom, this isn’t my first time moving and there’s no way I’m letting you drive seven hours across the country,” You continue as she rants on about the overwhelming piles of paperwork and mess around the house, “I’ll be there to sort everything out soon, so don’t worry about that just… try to relax.” 

“I’ll text you when I’m on the road, ok? I love you Mom!”

“I love you too, I’ll see you soon, yes?”

“Of course.”  

You throw the phone down on the bed, your childhood hits playlist muffled by the ocean of blankets that it landed amongst. Looking around your room, an exasperated ‘fuck’ escapes your lips. Despite what you had just told your mother, your room was most definitely not packed up and you were most definitely not ready to leave behind the life that you had built just to return to your hometown. 

After your Dad’s death, you had decided to move back into your childhood home, to keep your Mom company, settle down, and have a quieter life. You’ve had your fair amount of fun in the city and you were ready to return to your roots. 

⊹˚₊‧───────────────‧₊˚⊹

A few hours later,  there’s only one set of drawers left for you to pack up. You’re a sweaty mess as the sun beats down on you through the windows. Pulling your hair back, you position yourself in front of the drawers alongside some boxes, bubble wrap and packing tape. 

Opening the bottom drawer you are welcomed by a pile of clothes that had been messily shoved in over the years. Okay not too much work left. Picking up a purple hoodie, a pile of envelopes reveal themselves, all of them addressed to the same person. 

Choi Soobin. 

Against your better judgement, you give in to your nostalgic curiosity and begin to unseal the first envelope. As far as everyone else knows, you hadn’t thought about Soobin in a couple of years - you had curated a nonchalant persona, one that didn’t care about the past and especially not the people that you had left behind. This, of course, was nothing but a persona, a facade that you had delicately crafted over the years. If you stopped lying to yourself, you would realise that he’s always on your mind. Breadcrumbs of your love littered through every street that you walk, every corner you turn, there’s always a part of you that longs for him. He lives in a part of your brain meant only for youth, for easier times. Everytime you see something bunny themed, or hear a Day6 song on the radio, you have to fight against every nerve in your body not to text or call him. So yes, it might seem like you don’t really care but oh my god, you’re not sure you’ve ever been so hung up over the past in the same way that you are when it comes to him.  

⊹˚₊‧───────────────‧₊˚⊹

Letter One:

‘Soobin, 

Hi. It’s been a while. One month and 24 days, to be exact. 

I hope you’re okay. I’m sorry if this is weird. Is this weird? Oh god, this is probably weird. 

It’s just, we promised to give each other space and time but I can’t seem to let you go. Every second of every day all I want to do is pick up the phone and call you. You’re the only one I wanted to talk to after my first day at this new job, and when I moved in and I couldn’t figure out the stove, and when I found a new cafe nearby. 

Maybe I should’ve stayed. Maybe I should’ve told you to stop talking about the opportunities and convince me to stay with you instead. It’s hard to be happy without you by my side, I miss you and I feel selfish saying it.

We said it was for the best and besides, I was the one who moved away, I was the one who broke your heart. Am I allowed to miss you? 

I don’t even know why I’m writing this. I probably won't even send it.

Bye Soobin.‘

⊹˚₊‧───────────────‧₊˚⊹

Reading the letter, you chuckle as your eyes cloud with tears. You recall how you thought you’d never be happy again. That it was a bad idea for you to have lived outside of the bubble of your hometown. How naive you were, believing the world began and ended with him. You smile through the slow tearing tears as you put the letter down in favor of another and reminisce on the love that you feel felt for him.  

Your thumb brushes over the water marked envelope, still bearing the scars of tears cried long ago. 

⊹˚₊‧───────────────‧₊˚⊹

Letter Two:

‘Soobin,

How are you? 

Dad told me that he had ran into you at the grocery store last week. He said you got taller but I’m not sure that’s possible. Dad said you look well too, I’m glad, I hope it’s true. I hope you’re okay. It kills me not knowing how your day was, if you’re in a bad mood, if you’re sick, if you’re hanging out with Beomgyu or staying home to watch the new ‘Jujutsu Kaisen’. 

Not knowing is killing me. 

It’s okay here, I’ve made a few friends at work and the city is nice, it’s new and lonely but I have hope that it will get easier with time.  If it doesn’t though, and I come back home, I wonder if you’d be there with open arms and a wide grin like you always used to. Would you? 

Sometimes I catch myself hoping for failure just so that I can come back to you and I have to remind myself of all of the work that I did just to get here. I remind myself too about how you’ve put me out of your mind… even if you haven’t - can we pretend that you’ve forgotten about us? I think it’ll be easier that way. ‘ 

⊹˚₊‧───────────────‧₊˚⊹

Letter Three:

‘Hi, It’s me again. 

It’s been a while since I’ve written to you. It’s summer now, my first one without you. I’ve been trying my best not to think about that too much, I’m trying to enjoy the weather instead.  It’s not easy though,  the other day my friend and I got ice cream and it tasted just like the one that we had on our first date. 

I’ve been replaying that night in my head a lot recently. I think about running from building to building, seeking shelter from the rain, I think about your laugh and my hand in yours. I think about how your eyes followed the fish in the aquarium with such childlike wonder. I try to remember what we talked about but I can’t. I remember smiling until my cheeks hurt though, I remember the harmony of our laughter, I remember how every touch was electric - like lightning in rain. I remember how happy I was whenever you were with me.

I’ll try to enjoy this summer as much as that one, even without you, I’ve decided to smile again.‘

⊹˚₊‧───────────────‧₊˚⊹

Pulling yourself together, you decide to refocus on the task in front of you, packing up your belongings in preparation for your move across the country in… less than twelve hours - great. The first item on your to-do list is food, you need to refuel (and stock up on packing tape). You decide to pick up some takeout from the Thai restaurant a couple of streets away from your apartment. The walk will be good for you, it’ll give you some space to think and maybe even soothe your puffy face.

As you walk around the city that has come to define your early twenties, mixed emotions begin to brew within you. Of course you’re sad to leave and nervous to return to your hometown, anxious about reuniting with the ghosts of your childhood. But, at the same time, you were excited to return to the place that knew you just as much as you knew it, to be back in an environment that was filled with your most cherished moments, a place full of youth and inspiration and hope. It will be good for you, even if it means the end of your chapter in the city or facing the skeletons that you had been ignoring since you’d ran away. 

As you turn the corner, you spot a couple walking ahead of you, they’re walking in stride, hands interlocked and swinging rhythmically between them as they exchange laughter and whispers. 

Your heart hurts as you watch them, struggling not to be reminded of Soobin. Images of your love flooding your brain - all those days in the sun and nights under the stars, His hands warming yours on winter mornings, hours spent doing nothing but enjoying each other's company. Every sweet smile and gentle kiss. 

You must be sick or something, you can’t even pick up takeout without drowning in love and longing for a man you haven’t seen since you left.

Returning to your apartment, you sit on the floor of what used to be your living room, you unpack your khao pad and finally begin to eat. As you make your way through the dish, the TV fails to drown out your thoughts and you cave, deciding to read another one of your letters, curious about your own ramblings. Besides, one more couldn’t hurt… right? 

⊹˚₊‧───────────────‧₊˚⊹

Letter Four:

‘Soobin,

I’m sure you don’t want to hear from me, I just need to be selfish today. I need someone to talk to and it has to be you. It has to be you because you’re the only one who ever really listened when I needed it and maybe one day, when I send these letters, you’ll be able to understand why. 

The doctors say that my Dad is ill and I’m not sure what to do. I feel paralyzed. I don’t want to lose him and I feel so guilty because I can’t bring myself to see him that way. I want to keep the image of him as my Dad, not an ill and weak man, you know? I know he doesn’t want me to see him like that either but I feel so incredibly bad about it. I don’t know what to do, I feel helpless. 

I wish that you were here with me. If you were I know you’d tell me to be an adult and face it even if it’s painful but, I can’t. I can’t do it, I’m too much of a coward. I wish that you were here to hold me like you used to and wipe my tears but, you’re not and that’s okay. I have to do this alone, however hard it may be. 

I hope that on the day when our paths cross again we’ll both be okay, better than we are now. And, I hope we can laugh like we used to, like no time has passed.’

⊹˚₊‧───────────────‧₊˚⊹

Hours later, you find yourself still sat on the floor, surrounded by opened letters that you had penned long ago. You look down to find there is only one left - the last one. You might as well open it, you’ve come this far. 

Letter Thirteen: 

‘I dreamt about you again last night.

I wish you’d leave me alone. I can’t even escape you in my sleep. I wish I could forget you but you’re stuck in my mind like gum on a shoe and I’m not sure how much more I can take.

I hate you. I hate you for letting me leave even though neither of us wanted it to happen. I hate you for lying to me and saying it would be okay when it’s really not, not when I’m without you. I hate that even after leaving, I can’t escape you. I hate that you taught me so much, that everytime I’m reminded of you, you don’t feel so far away. I hate you for telling me that I was a bird, meant to fly, and that you were my birdcage - turns out I’m more of a parakeet than a starling. 

I hate you for being right and wrong at the same time. I hate your dumb smile and the way that you push your hair back. I hate your voice and the sparkle in your eyes. But, most of all, I hate how much I miss you, I hate that I still love you and that no one could ever compare to you.

I hate you, Choi Soobin.’

⊹˚₊‧───────────────‧₊˚⊹

As you shove the final letter back into its envelope through tears and stifled breaths, you find yourself left entirely drained. You check the time and realise that you only have eight hours before you begin your journey back home. You gather up the scattered envelopes and throw them messily into a box alongside the last of your clothes, sealing the box with whatever scraps of packing tape that you have left.

Flopping down onto your mattress, an exhausted sigh escapes your mouth and your eyes grow heavier as you curl up under your blanket.

⊹˚₊‧───────────────‧₊˚⊹

“I’ll be back later, text me if you need anything whilst I’m out. Love you!”

“Love you too! Bye!” you call out to your Mom as she shuts the front door. 

It has been a week since you have moved back into your childhood home and, to say you were still in the process of getting situated was an understatement. In reality, you were still drowning in moving boxes but, with a spontaneous burst of energy you decide to put an end to your procrastination and actually start to unpack.

An hour or so later, the summer heat has left you sticky with sweat but you are still determined to unpack at least half of the boxes in front of you by the end of the day. Moving to organise your books, you are interrupted by a knock at the front door.

You open it to find a man standing in front of you. He is tall with messy dark brown hair which glows golden in the sunlight. He wears a nervous smile and is gripping a small bouquet of flowers as if it might fly away at any second. His dark eyes move down to meet yours and a soft smile of relief appears on both of your faces. Seeing his face, it feels like after all this time - after everything - you can finally breathe again.

“Soobin.” you whisper, as if to reassure yourself that this is real, that it’s actually happening.

His grin grows wider as he extends the flowers out towards you, “It’s been a while.”

[hwanchaesong]

↗🏢 Entering 1st floor: Lost in the crowd, blurry eyes and pink lips, wrongs paths and right person, and now you're saved in his arms. 🌌

🎧: Chase Atlantic - Paradise

wc: 1.6k

genre & warnings: fluff, angst, suggestive, university setting, strangers to lovers au, mentions of alcohol, party, cursing, themes of marriage, appearance of other idols etc etc

a/n: this is a part of The Paradise Hotel series. if y'all want, you can read the other album inspired fics of other groups here.

"Am I sweating too much? Is my suit wrinkled? Are m-"

"Hyung, shut the fuck up. You're fine." Beomgyu cuts off Soobin's yapping, rolling his eyes at the older's unsolicited panicking.

A comforting tap on his left shoulder gets Soobin's attention, "You need to calm down. It's your special day." Yeonjun, the oldest of the bunch, speaks up while the others nod their heads in agreement.

The male pouts, facing the mirror in front of him and he scans himself. He's handsome, that's given, but he couldn't help his nerves.

He closes his eyes in an attempt to cool his heated mind; remembering the moment when he first met you, the time when he knew he was in love, and the second he's sure that you're the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

---------------------------------------------------

It was a bright day but Soobin was rather gloomy on the inside because what the fuck? Where is he and where are his friends?

Surely, they didn't leave him alone in the amusement park, right?

Knowing his friends though, the possibility is sky high. Fucking pranksters.

He rubbed his temples in frustration, might as well walk around and enjoy himself, he did pay for the entrance fee.

Just then, a girl suddenly appeared. A girl in a pink sundress, sporting a big grin and two milkshakes. One of her arms is extended towards him, a kind gesture of offering him a drink.

"Uh..?" he stammers, not really knowing how to handle a situation like this.

"Here!" you shove the large plastic cup in his hand, "You look thirsty."

"Oh, thank you but I'm not t-"

"Yes, you are thirsty." you flat out rejected his rejection, and he was dumbfounded because he has never met someone like this before... and it's akin to that of inhaling fresh air from the mountains.

He stares at you, yeah, maybe he'll appreciate your company.

He found his friends after a few hours, with your help of course, and it's safe to say that his rambling about them losing him and not bothering to look for him was astounding. (in an adorable way)

---------------------------------------------------

His second meeting with you was nothing more than a godsent chance, in a frat party of his university that he was forced to be at, courtesy of Yeonjun, the most popular frat boy of their college.

He was sitting quietly in a corner, nursing his red cup of alcohol concoction, observing the swarm of people on the dance floor, swaying to the beat of some rock music blaring through the speakers of the house.

He sighs, this is boring as hell, then his eyes light up when he sees your familiar figure across the room. Then it went droopy when he noticed the guy beside you.

Wait a damn minute.

You look uncomfortable as fuck.

Soobin is not weak, but by all means, he avoids conflicts. He's docile like that, but his head was empty when he decided to walk over to you with a newfound confidence due to the liquid courage in his system.

"Hey, Y/N." he greets with a light smile, and he felt pride in his chest when he saw your hopeful expression.

You were about to reply to him, but the male beside you rudely interrupted the meeting.

"Man, can't you see we're busy here?" the man slurs, clearly drunk and for some reason, Soobin was pissed at the way your features withered just because of some asshole's words.

"What I'm seeing here is that you're invading her personal space." he utters threateningly, the polar opposite of his usual gentle way of speaking.

If there is one thing that he'll forever thank the heavens for, it'll be his height. He towers over the other man, and it was enough to intimidate the jackass.

"Yup!" you saw the opportunity to escape from the arms of your former partner, "Excuse us, Sunghoon, we'll be going now."

You stood up, grabbed Soobin's arms and dragged him out on the terrace of the house, "Thank you so much for saving me back there." you mumbled, shaking slightly from the cold, your thin outfit ain't shielding you from the winter breeze.

Then, you feel something warm draped over your shoulders, the orange-ish scent fills you with a sense of tranquil.

"It's nothing, it's a man's duty to protect a lady." he says jokingly, but your gut tells you that he meant it.

You took the initiative to step a little bit closer to him, bumping your shoulders onto his arm, "You're like a knight in shining armor then."

He hums, tilting his head so he could see you better, and the way you're gazing at him makes his heart beat a wad faster.

How could someone be so beautiful under some shitty lighting and an oversized (his) jacket.

"Am I?" he whispers, soft voice tickling the butterflies in your stomach.

"Yeah, my knight in shining armor."

That must make you his damsel in distress.

You are not good for his delicate soul, yet he knew that it was the end for him when you used that damned possessive noun.

A fragile yet thorny sentiment was planted, and now he's about to water and grow it.

---------------------------------------------------

Soobin is well-aware of his feelings for you, and there's no hour where he's not fretting about it. He is always thinking of ways to confess, to make you his, because he is convinced that the universe made you two meet.

Call him a delulu but he firmly believes that you are his soulmate.

As usual, instead of sleeping, his mind is in an overdrive, thinking of you all day and all night.

He tossed and turned in his bed, he has morning classes tomorrow at fucking 7:30 am. Really, who in their right minds would teach that early?

His phone then started ringing, scaring the wits out of him. Again, who in their right fucking minds w-

Never mind, it's you.

He immediately answers the call, then he hears you sobbing and muttering incoherent sentences until he makes out a vague 'I'm outside your apartment.'

Never the sporty one but he was faster than flash when he shot up from his bed to open the door for you, and there you were. Standing in the middle of his small yard— puffy eyes, red nose, pink lips, wrecked appearance yet in his eyes, you're still gorgeous as ever.

"Soobin!" you cried out, throwing yourself in his arms, and he easily caught you, letting in his flat as he shuts the door close with his foot.

"What's happening? Are you alright?" he worriedly asks, threading his fingers on your smooth strands, doing his best to pacify your problems away.

"I can't lose you." you murmur, and he felt his heart stop along with the rotation of the earth. Is he hearing things now? Had he gone insane?

When Soobin remained silent, you continued to ramble in his chest, hugging him tightly, "I-I heard from some people in our uni that Yeri will be confessing to you. I don't w-want that!" you hiccup, and he discerns that you probably had a few drinks before coming here.

"Y/N." he gently called your name, and you craned your neck to face him, only for Soobin to give you the most loving kiss you had ever experienced.

Everything about the kiss is surreal. Magical, enchanting, one that can be only given to you by your destined person.

"I don't care about that or her." he fondly cradles your cheeks in his cozy palms, "I only care about you, my princess, my damsel in distress. I am your knight in shining armor, after all."

If you needed more assurance, he gladly showed you that for the rest of the night. He made you realize how much he loves you. With simple touches, messy tongue and teeth filled kisses, and passionate love-making.

He had you writhing under him, and even in your sweaty and tousled condition, he still finds you to be an absolute masterpiece.

Soobin worshiped your body, kissing and licking every corner, your skin was a former blank canvas that he happily painted in luxurious hues of the sky and wine.

At the end of it all, he has you enveloped in his arms. He has you in his life, sleeping peacefully. His pretty, pretty princess that he swore to protect with all his might until you're grey and old.

---------------------------------------------------

"Hyung, let's go. It's about to start." Huening Kai nudged Soobin, slightly startling him from his daydreaming. His eyes were wide open, anxious yet still complied when he was hauled out of the dressing room.

He stood like a statue at the end of the aisle, he was focusing on a piece of flower that had fallen from the arrangement displayed at the altar.

The sound of the metallic doors opening and the classical music playing sent shivers down his spine.

He slowly turns around, his eyes locking in yours and the surroundings are serene once again.

He watches you walk down the red carpet, wearing the most exquisite white gown that you have specially curated for the occasion. A white veil covers your face, and Soobin doesn't need to remove it to see how much of an angel you are.

The girl of his dreams that makes his dreams come true, if that even makes sense, but that's what he'll describe you despite the lack of adjectives to represent a treasure like you.

Soobin is no genius nor a champion, he is not the richest man on earth, no, yet he knows that he's lucky enough to be alive in this utopia with you.

Real heaven starts with you, his paradise.

taglist:

@hyunjinheartbreakprince @lun4kazumii @once27 @purrplegyuu @yawnzsof @shakalakaboomboo @baeksofty

[itaehynz]

three’s a (choi) charm! ˙ ⋆ . ˚ ☆

27. GONE.

warnings: timeskip (2 weeks), angst, short chapter.

MASTERLIST ☆ NEXT ★ PREVIOUS

TAGLIST: @https-yeonjun, @sugaringgcaramel, @boba-beom, @ur-mother-realnotclickbait, @yawn-zi, @txtbrainrot, @soobsfairy444, @wonunuwoo, @coconutjjun, @headlockimnida, @dinosluver, @gwookie, @yourenzoo, @bunnyeonny, @eclipse-777, @lun4kazumii, @h00nerz, @soobjvn, @bam2gyuuuu, @gardnhee, send an ask or shoot me a dm to be added! ^^ (bold — can’t be tagged)

A/N: who do you guys think texted back first 😁

[channoticedmeuwu]

CHOI SOOBIN AS . . . . ARIANA GRANDE'S 34+35 !

🌙 , ε. ＾꒰⁠⑅. . . ⌨️ ↝´⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠.̫. 🖇️⁾⁠⁾

p — CHOI SOOBIN × FEM!READER | g — fluff, slightly suggestive, domestic!au (I think), established relationship!au | w — none

a/n — soobin gave me ariana grande positions vibes 🤷‍♀️ I caved, u know me and my soobin agendas..... ++ pls forgive me I'm super sleepy and was feeling emo 😭😭😭

🖇️ READ SOOBIN AS POV !!

cold comforter pulled up till his flushed cheeks, soobin was a drowsy summer night as a person. pink plush lips slightly agape and hooded eyelids, soobin would rest with his forearm on his forehead, slipping into sleep and humming slightly while you talked to him. he'd try nodding, trying to look interested in what you were saying but he couldn't make out a word, too out of it with his eyes threatening to close like that.

so he'd just stare at you up and down, your hands expressing as you spoke, your eyes darting around the room, you rubbing your arms from the cold of the aircon— occasionally flicking your wrist to pull your hair back, which would brush on your face again and again. and he'd find himself in awe, tired smile and giggling with a low voice. and you'd think to yourself damn, he's out of it for real. boy didn't have a care in the world.

and he'd just interrupt you sometimes, his hands finding your waist to pull you closer to him, making you rest your head on his arm as you lay next to him. with your body so close to him, you'd hear the vibrations of his chest everytime he'd reply with a “hmm,” warmth spreading til your cold toes.

and you knew he wasn't listening, when he'd start running his fingers through your hair, bringing his face to rest in the crook of your neck. and you knew he wasn't listening, when you'd feel his lips curl into a smile against your neck as your voice cracked at his contact, fingers circling on your hips. and you knew for a fact that he wasn't listening when he'd start peppering your skin with sleepy kisses, humming at you and asking you to play with his hair.

and eventually, he'd glance up for a breather, lips red n’ puffy and eyes all big, looking at you like you were made for him. it's not that you cared that soobin wasn't listening to you talk at that moment, and he knew that when you smiled at him, thumbs caressing the apples of his cheeks as he rolled his eyes back, melting at your touch.

and when he'd actually fall asleep, chest rising and falling, legs thrown over you and your face in his chest— he'd dream about you, about your mannerisms and the feeling in his stomach when you'd trace shapes on his skin. just soobin falling in n’ out of sleep, waking up in the middle of the night, so fucking dazed that he'd forget that you were literally huddled against him. the lights were still on, the aircon wasn't adjusted to a comfortable temperature, and the humidifier was buzzing at it's loudest setting. but he didn't care, not when you'd sleep soundly, eyes moving behind your closed eyelids as your cheeks were dusted pink, timed gushes of warmth on his chest as you'd let out breaths. and he'd think he was the luckiest boy in the world, so beyond it all, he'd think he's hearing stars twinkling in the night.

and he'd feel like he's falling in love with you all over again when you'd rustle at the sudden lack of warmth when he left the bed to shut the lights. the night lamp illuminating his favorite parts about your face, your eyebrows furrowed as you lifted your head, glancing around to see why your arms suddenly felt empty. and he'd coo—even in your sleepy state, you could hear him smiling as he called from across the room in a sore voice, “m’ right here, sweetheart.”

ε♡з BONUS — pov & positions !

choi soobin wasn't a people pleaser, nor would he go out of his way to adjust others in his time. he was too packed for that, embarrassed but blunt when he'd refuse, suggesting another time.

but for you, fuckin’ christ— the way you'd smile at him, asking if he could spend time with you at the mall that day, or the way you'd link your hands with his when you wanted to take a drive around the city in the evening with him, or if he could distract you from something that was particularly stressful for you— shit had him on his fucking knees. for you, he felt like there was nothing in this world that he wouldn't do if you wanted it.

he'd see you eye a particular type of flower for longer than usual when you'd pass by a florist's shop, and expect a bouquet in your arms by the evening. he'd see the way your fingers scratch against the material of a dress, clearly hesitant, he'd buy it for you as a gift when you'd celebrate any occasion. soobin wasn't rich, hell, he wasn't fucking near that. but knowing that you were there to soothe his shoulders when he needed you to, to allow him to be vulnerable with you when he needed to be, to have someone to come to when he'd spend yet another day, too busy to even eat lunch— it was just a little something he wanted to do for you.

and he'd see your scowl as you'd smack his arm, lecturing him about spending too much on flowers that would wilt anyway, or a dress that would probably never get worn the way it was cut in the most suggestive areas. but it didn't bother him, not when he'd see that your eyes were not at all serious, bright n’ beautiful, staring at him with pretend anger because he knows you wanted it. and he'd tell you to stop worrying about it, because he knew you're not about to show that you obviously liked the gift.

and he'd see you arranging the flowers in a vase as he'd walk past the end of the hall. you hadn't noticed him yet; you were carefully touching the petals and feeling the texture on your fingertips, breathing in the scent and slightly snipping off the thorns, if any. and you wore a smile, a smile he knew all too well, eyes absorbing every outline and shadow the flowers made.

and he'd walk into the room and hear you sigh in frustration from the bathroom, door which was left open by you, and see you struggle to zip up the dress he bought from the back. lips pressed together in focus, you just couldn't do it, not when the zipper kept slipping from your fingers. so he'd walk up to you silently, helping you zip it up as he held your hair back with one hand. and he'd see you hold back a smile at the way it looked on you—perfect.

and when you'd finally face him again before bed, you'd thank him, thank him with such genuinity that he thought he was going to die if he didn't feel your lips against his own. muttering over and over that you didn't need to thank him, not at all. why should you, when you do so much for him, know what to do when he needs you, know where to take him when he's alone—know how to love him and make him feel loved?

txt — masterlist

main taglist (hmu to get added!) — @koishua @navyhyuck @allegxdly @daystiny  @kdyism  @neotism  @bluejaem  @radiorenjun  @sleepylixie @oifelixcmerebrou @mrkcore @imdamnconfused  @sicluvz @abhirami20 @tyongishs @emvrd @brxght-world @1921choi

I’d appreciate if you’d give me a little feedback on the drabble if you read, whether it’s an ask, a reply or in the tags of the rb! Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed!

[halaboyz]

to each's, csb

pairing: non-idol! choi soobin x gn! reader genre: angst wc: 614 warnings: pool notes: inspired by a scene in crazy little thing called love (iykyk)

"Oh hey, y/n... You asked for me?" Of course he'd be confused. You just had 3 full conversations with him, all academic-related this whole school year.

You smile, turning to hide the flower you've been hiding. "It's graduation day! I want to congratulate you for surviving high school." You giggle, and Soobin does the same, congratulating you back. "I called you here alone because I needed to tell you something."

"That is?" Soobin cranes his neck, cheeks turning red at the sudden seriousness of your voice.

"From elementary, silly puppy crushes- to puberty, wanting to be prettier, more elegant, and more presentable in front of... you." You meet his eyes, shy as you try to make your smile smaller. "I've done this and that just for you to notice me, Soobin. Maybe it wasn't really enough, but it was okay." Soobin doesn't reply, even make a noise, which prompts you to chuckle. "What I'm trying to say is, Choi Soobin... I like you. Ever since we were first graders, to high school, to now." You finally hand him the flower you've been tightly holding on to, smiling.

Soobin was dumbfounded and red. He doesn't know how to react, nor what to say. He's been fiddling with his fingers, heaving a sigh of relief. Just as he was about to take the flower from your hands, your classmate, Beomgyu, barges inside the gates to the pool area. "Hey Soobin! Your girlfriend's been finding you every... where... Oops..." His voice trailed off when he saw the scene, and you're the one who's speechless now. Beomgyu quietly leaves with a guilty mouth, smacking his head in the process.

"You... had a girlfriend?" You're the one who's speechless now.

"Look, y/n..." Soobin has no idea what to say. His shyness was taking over him at the wrong time, seeing your eyes get watery. He has a lot to say, and a whole damn lot of smacks reserved just for Beomgyu, but nothing escapes out of his lips.

"Oh, no! It's okay, Soobin!" You sniff, plastering a wide smile on your face. "It's fine, oh my god, I'm so sorry." You quickly wipe your tears away and retract your arm, messily throwing the flower with no care inside your bag as you got your things.

"Y/n, no..." He tries to reach for your arm but you softly decline, turning to see him.

"It's fine, Soobin. Just a stupid crush anyway," You start walking backwards, smile not fading one second and tears continuously flowing anyway.

Just another fucking step and you step into liquid, feeling yourself drown for a second before straightening your knees and regathering your senses.

What a fucking embarrassment.

"Y/n, oh my god, are you okay?" While you were wiping your face along with your tears, you see a glance of Soobin attempting to jump into the pool to check on you. You extend your arm to stop him, waving your hands in front of your face to hide from him.

All those pampering throughout the years for this?

"I'm okay, Soobin." You give him a chuckle, to convince him and probably yourself too, that you were fine. You are going to be. You will be, right?

As you made your way out of the area, Soobin stops himself from going after you even though he was very worried about you. He figures how you must've felt, not getting a single word from him and getting in that situation.

He was fuming towards his friend. But more importantly, he regrets.

He regrets not saying a thing despite feeling the same way towards you. Now, he might have just lost his last chance.

[st4rbe0m]

5 stories. 5 seasons. 5 heartbreaks and not enough amends.

SUMMARY ▸ A TXT series based on songs from the album 'Nicole' by NIKI. Each member has their own fic and song attached, fics are interconnected, so a different name is given to characters in other stories. However, the fics can be read as standalones only, there's no needs to follow the order. Hope you enjoy!!

RELEASE SCHEDULE ▸ tba.

TAG LIST ▸ open :) send an ask, dm or comment to be added!!

PAIRING ▸ jock!older! Yeonjun x reader

SUMMARY ▸ The world is about to end. It's crashing and swooping down around you, because tomorrow is the first day of highschool. Not even the most extreme hyperboles can explain the battlefield that is navigating the next 4 years. Luckily, or unluckily, you have the summer to prepare - and maybe a cute older boy as well to put in his 2 cents of tips and tricks. But does the summer ever last forever?

RELEASE DATE ▸ 07/31/24

READ NOW

PAIRING ▸ Soobin x reader

SUMMARY ▸ Firsts are daunting. Firsts are scary and important, after all they're gonna stay in your memory forever. First crush, first kiss, first relationship. It was comforting to know Soobin was your first of everything. A boy with warmth that always engulfed you more than home ever did. This was a new first too - the first autumn without him. Could this ever be like the firsts from before?

RELEASE DATE ▸ tba.

PAIRING ▸ bf! Beomgyu x reader

SUMMARY ▸ College student Beomgyu is a comet. A wonderful, celestial being, unique and rare, leaving a trail of twinkling lights in the sky in its wake. Like all floating objects in space, he was drawn to gravity as well. The gravity of the sun pulled him in. You, his sun, brightening up his wonderful starry vacuum. But the sun attracts everything, leaving a torching flame, and fragmented meteorites behind for its evidence.

RELEASE DATE ▸ tba.

PAIRING ▸ best friend!Taehyun x reader

SUMMARY ▸ Y/N loves love.Love is everywhere of course - a good rainy day, spending time with family, laughing with friends. All of these days were filled with love. Y/N loves Taeyhun. Taehyun is indifferent to love. But he'd do anything for Y/N. That's worth something, right? So why can't he take a chance on it?

RELEASE DATE ▸ tba.

PAIRING ▸ ex!Huening Kai x reader

SUMMARY ▸ It's true that once you date the perfect guy, the most gentleman-ly of the lot, no next would ever compare. Clicking through tabs, swiping on Tinder could never bring back the spark that belonged the world disconnected outside the internet. Alas, it's not like you had a choice now. All you could do now was to move that hovering cursor over his Facebook profile.

RELEASE DATE ▸ tba.

[moamidzyism]

[12:15am] (c.sb)

☆。.:*·ﾟwc 1566 angst + smut ౨ৎ minors DNI ୨୧ soobin x unnamed fem!oc, husband!soobin x fem!reader, infidelity, toxic relationship, oral (fem receiving), unprotected sex [masterlist • reblogs + feedback appreciated]

playlist — alligator tears, beyoncé ; pretty little birds, sza ; i wish i hated you, ariana grande ; riiverdance, beyoncé ; pretty, kennie ; easy to love me, hope tala ; the other woman, lana del rey

part one

soobin knows the way to her place by heart. it is a small, unassuming house just outside of town, a stark contrast to the home he shares with you. he pulls into the driveway like he owns the place. it is a routine now – driving here, parking in the same spot, and heading straight for the flowerpot where she leaves the spare key for him.

the familiarity is comforting, almost too easy. it is as if this is the place he is truly meant to be.

he pushes open the door, half-expecting her to be waiting for him in the dimly lit hallway. but the house is silent. he takes a moment to take in the space, a house so devoid of personality it almost feels intentional, like it is staged. there are no family photos adorning the walls, no scatter of throw pillows on the couch, no scented candles or wallflowers to perfume the air. but it doesn’t bother him. in fact, there is something about the simplicity that makes him feel at home in a way he hasn’t in a long time.

as he moves towards the bedroom, he can feel the weight of the day finally starting to lift. the tension, the lies – it all seems to fade as he approaches the only place where things don’t feel so complicated. he finds her there, lying on the bed in one of his old t-shirts, her face dotted with pimple patches. it is strangely endearing.

“you’re late,” she remarks, her voice flat, as she catches sight of him standing in the doorway.

“i told you i was coming,” he replies.

“yeah, and you’re ten minutes late,” she shoots back, her eyes narrowing slightly. “and i’m tired now.”

“you know i had to make sure she was okay first,” he says. the mention of you hangs in the air like a lead weight. “but i’m here now.”

she rolls her eyes. “come on, baby, let me make it up to you,” soobin murmurs, inching closer to the bed, desperate to close the distance between them, both physically and emotionally.

when he reaches her, he pulls her into a kiss (mostly to placate her, but also to silence his thoughts). she smiles into the kiss, a small, satisfied curve of her lips that tells him she’d let it slide this time.

for now, he is hers, and that is all she needs.

he kisses her again, pulling her closer until there’s no space left between them. his hands move instinctively, caressing her back as he deepens the kiss, trying to lose himself in her warmth, in the simplicity of this moment.

his lips begin their slow descent from her mouth, tracing a path down her neck, lingering on the sensitive skin there as he relishes in her soft sighs. it’s intoxicating the power he holds over her. he continues, his kisses trail lower, over the curve of her breast, where the old t-shirt is pushed aside, revealing more of her skin to him. he savors the ways she arches slightly towards him. he lets his hands roam her sides, feeling the rise and fall of her breath.

then, as he reaches the lacy band of her underwear, he pauses for a moment to take the sight of her beneath him – vulnerable, wanting, and his. there’s a part of him that wishes he could stay in this moment forever, where nothing exists but her, but he knows, just like all the moments they share, it’s fleeting.

he kisses the lace softly before he starts to peel the fabric away, ready to lose himself in her completely.

“you’re so unreal,” he whispers as he spreads her legs apart, positioning himself between them.

his lips find her clit, and the moment his mouth makes contact, she lets out an ear-splitting moan, her body arching into him. her fingers tangle in his hair, tugging at the roots with abandon. she melts under the pleasure he gives her, reacting instinctively to each flick of his tongue against her sensitive, swollen bud.

with each movement, he pushes her closer to the edge. when he moans against her, the vibrations send shockwaves through her body. her vision blurs, and for about a minute, she is lost in the blinding ecstasy of her orgasm. she jerks beneath him, her back arching as she releases over his face, and he greedily laps up every last drop, his mouth moving down as he prolongs her pleasure.

even after his mouth and fingers leave her, the aftershocks of her climax linger.

he aligns himself with her entrance, and with a slow, deliberate push, he presses his cock into her. the stretch burns at first, but soon the pain fades, replaced by a pleasure so intense it nearly overwhelms her.

she moans as he pulls out, only thrust back in, harder and sharper. he gives her a moment to adjust, his thrusts faster, deeper. her gasps and moans fill the room, but they’re incoherent, her mind too far gone to form words.

“‘m yours… all yours, baby,” soobin whispers breathlessly, his voice rough. her eyes roll back in response as she grinds against him, completely consumed by the feeling of him inside her. a guttural groan escapes him as he picks up the pace, fucking her harder, deeper, until she’s on the brink again.

“s-so close,” she manages to gasp out, her body trembling with the force of her impending release.

his thrusts grow erratic, his breathing harsh and labored. she can tell he’s just as close as she is. “cum for me, baby. please, just cum all over my cock,” he pleads desperately.

she cries out as her body seizes, her orgasm ripping through her with brutal intensity. her pussy tightens around him, trapping him in the pulsing heat of her orgasm. he’s overcome, lost in the sensation of her gripping him so tightly, and the only thing he can do is press his hips flush against hers, filling her with everything he has.

as he pulls away from her, the warmth of his body leaving hers, she instinctively curls into him. the rawness of the moment slowly begins to settle into a familiar ache in her chest. her heartbeat steadies, her breathing slows, but her mind races. she turns her gaze upward, her eyes soft and pleading as she whispers, “can you please stay?”

he meets her eyes, offering a tender smile as he strokes her hair. “i am staying,” he reassures her. but she knows the truth. she feels it in the way his hand hesitates before touching her again, in the way his gaze flickers away from hers. he means he’s staying for now, for the night. she forces a smile. “good,” she murmurs, snuggling closer to him, trying to absorb this moment. to make it last.

he holds her tightly, his lips brushing against her forehead in a series of soft kisses that felt more like an apology. she knows the truth she’s been trying to ignore. soobin loves her, yes, but not enough. never enough to actually leave you. the thought cuts through her like a knife, sharp and cold.

despite the doubt gnawing at her, exhaustion eventually pulls her to sleep, his body still wrapped around hers. she dreams of a future that she knows will never come to pass.

the next morning, she wakes to an empty bed and the sound of the shower running in the bathroom. for a moment, she allows herself to hope that maybe today will be different. but when he emerges, dressed in the same clothes he wore last night, her heart sinks.

“you’re leaving?” she asks. her voice is small as she sits up in bed. her fingers clutch the comforter as if it could keep him there.

“i have to go home,” he replies, the words heavy with the weight of everything left unsaid. to my wife. but he doesn’t say it; he doesn’t need to. she knows. he walks towards the bed, leaning down to kiss her. she feels the finality of it in the press of his lips.

she catches his arm as he pulls aways, desperation creeping into her voice. “i was hoping we’d get breakfast or something. have a slow morning?”

soobin sighs. “i know, but i have to get home. we’re having guests next week, so we have to go shopping this weekend.”

her heart clenches at his words. that doesn’t sound like something you do with someone you’re planning to leave. in fact, it sounds like the life of a man who is firmly committed with no intention of changing his situation.

“don’t frown,” he says, his thumb brushing over her furrowed brow. he leans down to kiss her again, this time a quick peck, as if to soften the blow. “i’ll make it up to you.”

she watches him with fear and frustration bubbling up inside her. “at least stay for breakfast,” she pleads, reaching for him one last time.

“i–i have to go.” his eyes dart away from hers as he steps back.

as he walks out the door, leaving her alone in the cold, empty house, she feels the familiar sting of tears welling up in her eyes. you get the dates, and the wedding ring, and the family reunions. you get him. and all she gets is the hollow echo of his absence.

fill out this form to join my taglist! author's note :: this is the part two!! I really hope you enjoyed this <33 I know it's not the satisfying she leaves him ending but I thought it shed light to the dynamics in these relationships. if you have any questions, comments, etc , please please please feel free to ask me !!

[enluv]

010: I <3 MY GIRLFRIEND! — THAT’S THE THING!

– warnings: dark humor (kms, die, etc jokes!), profanity, simp soobin, lmk if I missed anything!

a/n #1: this chapter is set in the future – when y/n goes on tour!

a/n #2: under the images you'll find a section titled "behind the album" this is where you can find out facts about the characters! make sure to check it out after the chapter.

MASTERLIST / PREV / end!

˚ ༘✶ ⋆｡˚ behind the album:

– y/n’s tour lasted six months, it was extended by two and yeji went with her on it! many of her friends flew to visit her on tour :)

– yeonjun doesnt actually have a crush on y/n but they keep up the gag to mess with soobin!!

– soobin did ask y/n to be his girlfriend in person when he saw her

– sunwoo, soobin, keeho, and the rest of the boys are all very good friends, you can often catch the models of the group booking shoots together and the youtubers of the group have series with them all called “saturdays are for the boys” where they go out on dates together

– lotus (the duo group consisting of y/n and yeji) are rumored to have a comeback soon!

coco’s ♡︎ note: I feel like I have so much to say but no words to say it all!! After a month long, that’s the thing has finally come to an end. I started this series with no thought to it, I’d planned it all in one night when I couldn’t sleep and I’m honestly so surprised at what it grew to be. Thank you to everyone who had helped me write it when I was stuck and thank you to those who have continued to support it!! I hope this smau has made you happy as much as it has made me. This may be the end for Y/N and Soobin but it’s not the end for me! Please look out for more to come from me :) Thank you all so much!! As always, feedback and reblogs are always appreciated!

TTT TAGLIST! - @jmin-s @stealanity @iijwon @invuwrld @igotkpoops @telesvng @whippedforbeomgyu @l0ve-joy @envirae @neozon3nha @meiiiwa @kangtaehyunfan029 @chaerybae @ch2won @cinnikoi @wccycc @run2seob @stariszn @nhularin @neoculturewhat @hyuk4ngel @ddeonubaby @oulspvs @sullystraw @liliyaaaaas-library @rainbowszi @fanfangying1304 @tocupid —TAGLIST IS CLOSED!

[leooooooo23]

GHOST

Genre : angst, happy ending (?), major character death, pregnancy, depression, no part two (?)

Words : 1121

Not proofread.

“Y/n? She’s waking up! Hun, call the doctor!” I wince hearing my mothers yells.

“Ma?” I slowly open my eyes, my head throbbing with pain. “Where am I?” I look around, slowly adjusting to the light. “Where’s Soobin?”

I look to my mother who had tears welling up in her eyes. Huh? Why is she like that?

“Hunny..” She covered her mouth when sob a came out of her, she took my hands and started softly caressing them. “I love you so much you know?” I smiled, nodding. “I could tell Soobin did too..” Huh? What does she mean, “Did?” “I’m sorry baby…”

.

.

.

“Since the love that you left is all that I get.” “I want you to know that,”

“Bin!” I yelled as I felt soobin lift me up from the sand that I was laying on and put me on his shoulder, “What are you doing?” I punch his back. “Put me down!”

Soobin shook his head as he walked towards the ocean whilst carrying me. “We’re at the beach, you have to go swimming instead of just laying there all day!”

I huffed as i felt my body touch the water. “Put me down! Right this instant!” Soobin laughed whilst nodding. “Whatever you say, princess.”

Soobin laughed as he dropped me onto the ocean, i gasp at the coldness of the water. “Soobin!” I yelled, getting up and slowly stalking my way towards him.

He smiled cheekily at me, before splashing me with water.

…

I stop momentarily, before sprinting towards him. He starts running away from me in fright, “I’m sorry! Please!” He yells.

“Nuh-uh! Get back here Choi Soobin!”

.

.

.

“If I can’t be close to you. I’ll settle for the ghost of you.”

“If it’s a boy? What should we name him?” I ask Soobin, as I cuddled up to him on the bed.

He hums softly. “Soobin JR?” I let out a soft laugh at which he looks at me offendedly, “What? You think I’m not serious?” He pouts.

I look up at him, eyes gazing up at him endearingly. “Okay, sure, whatever you want, my love.” I say, pecking his lips.

He blushes and smiles down at me, showing his bunny like teeth. “I hope our children look like you, and are just as smart as you.”

“What if I want them to look like you?” I tease, Soobin nods his head, “Okay, sure, whatever you want, my love.”

.

.

.

“I miss you more than life.”

Beautiful. Absolutely stunning. I think to myself, whilst staring at Y/n’s face. We were star gazing now. Right outside the beach house her parents owned, and the place we’ve been staying at for a few days now.

“What?” She asks, looking at me.

Ah. Shes caught me. I smile at her softly, “Just looking at my future wife, you know?” I say, smugly, noticing the way her ears slowly turn red at hearing my words.

“Soobin-ah…” She whispers shyly, “Do you want to marry me?”

Its my turn to blush now. “I think that’s my line.” I reach out into my pocket and take out the small velvet box. She gasps seeing it.

I get up and slowly get on one knee in front of her. “Will you make me the happiest man on earth and marry me?” Tears well up in her eyes, nodding enthusiastically.

“Yes! A thousand times yes!”

“If there’s a moment I want to remember forever, it’d be this!” I yell out, putting arms around her waist, spinning her around, “i could die a happy man now because of you Y/n L/n!”

.

.

.

“And if you cant be next to me,”

“I cant believe we’re getting married!” I let out a giggle as Soobin drives the car. “Mom and dad aren’t gonna believe it!”

“About that,” Soobin starts, “I asked them for their blessing first.” He looks at me for a few seconds, smiling brightly.

“No way! My mom agreed?” I clap my hands. My mom never liked Soobin because he wasn’t from a rich family, so I wonder how he got her to agree..

“It wasn’t easy, but for you I’ll do anything.” He says, looking towards the road. “I love you.” He chuckles. I smile at him. “I love you-“

.

.

.

“Your memory is ecstasy.”

The doors open revealing the cold, dark, lonely morgue where Soobin rests. I walk towards him slowly, my mother behind me, watching me with a sad gaze.

I touch his cold face, softly caressing it. “You must be cold..” I say softly, tears falling down my face. “Ma, he doesn’t like the cold.”

I turn towards my mother, who looked at me with pity and tears in her eyes. “We need to get him out of here, its cold and lonely!” I yell, tears pouring down my face.

“Baby..” My mother walks towards me, hugging my form. “You need to say your goodbyes..”

Goodbyes? “Ma.. please, give him back go me,” I sob into her arms, “God, please give him back to me!”

I feel another person engulf my body with a hug. I turn around, hoping its him. “Baby, he’s gone.” My father says calmly, hugging me more tightly.

“No!” I sob, “No! No! No!” I yell out, “Get up, Soobin, Get up!” I looked at his unmoving form.

.

.

.

“You need to eat.” Yeonjun sighs, kneeling down the floor, putting the plate down onto my bed. He looks at me with sadness in his eyes. “Please Y/n…”

I stare past him and look at the window outside. Why is it so bright and sunny? Does the Gods not feel any sadness not that he’s gone? Does any of them not take pity on me?

I feel him touch my hand, squeezing it. “Its been 2 days, you need to eat to get better-“

“Close the curtains.” I say, sitting up slowly. Yeonjun looks towards one of the maids, they immediately shut it.

I stare at the plate on my bed, “Are you gonna eat?” I shake my head, getting up from the bed. Yeonjun sighs, staring at my figure as I try to stand up.

I rip out the syringe in my arm, “Y/n! Are you insane?” I hear Yeonjun yell, holding my arms tightly.

“Where is he?” I let out weakly.

Tears well up in Yeonjuns eyes staring at mine. “Please, let me see him.”

.

.

.

I walk into the funeral hall, all eyes set on me. I hear whispers, but I couldn’t care less about them.

I stop in my tracks as I hear sobs and yells. I look towards the sound.

…

Its Soobins mother. I could tell she was beyond exhausted and longed for her son. Just like me.

“My son!” She sobs, “Give me back my son! Please!” I see Soobins father next to her, unmoving. Just tears running down his face.

“Are you sure you want to be here?” Yeonjun softly asks beside me.

I look at the sight of Soobin’s parents for a few moments before turning in my heels.

.

.

.

“I miss you more than life.”

“Soobinnie..” I softly call out, “Come on, we’re gonna go visit your dad!”

“Okay, mama!” I hear him yell out from his room. I chuckle hearing the sound of soft foot steps going down the stairs.

“Do I look nice?” He asks with a giggle. I turn around seeing him covered in fashionable clothing.

I clap my hands together as he poses, waiting for my approval. “Aigoo, my son is so handsome!” I walk towards him, squeezing his cheeks. “Come on, lets get into the car.”

He nods, taking my hand and leading me into the car.

.

.

.

“I miss you more than life.”

I hold onto the flowers i brought with me, whilst walking towards the place he rests. Our son runs around, looking for his head stone before coming to a stop. “Here mommy!” He yells.

I chuckle watching him as he waves his arms up in the air. “Okay, okay”

I walk towards Soobin, before crouching down, and putting the flowers down. “Hello, my love. I’m sorry I havent been visiting as often.”

[harufluff]

‘where this is going…’ choi soobin

warnings - minor cursing, pretty angsty, sad reader, reader is mentioned to be shorter.

genre - angst, non idol!soobin x gn!reader

wc - about 500

‘why are you doing this…’

you ask, tears about to fall down your face. why was he doing this? if he wanted to, he could end a three year relationship with two words.

‘babe, it’s just-‘

‘don’t call me that.’

you stead sternly. his eyes widened slightly at your tone. you never spoke with him like this. well, guess it’s appropriate for the circumstances.

he held his head low before saying,

‘it’s just, i don’t know where this is going.’

where this is going. those were the words that got the tears flowing. the warm, salty tears rolling down your cheeks. soobin felt his heart clench at the sight of your reddening eyes.

‘please don’t cry.’

‘don’t tell me not to cry when you just said that. when you just said that you don’t see a future in what we have together.’

he looks at you through his dark bangs. hoping, maybe just maybe your tears have stopped. but low and behold they haven’t.

‘it’s not you. it’s just how i feel.’

‘and i respect that,’

you walk up to him and look up at your, well now your ex boyfriend. you blink fast while walking to make sure when you look at him, you come off with more confidence that your currently posses.

‘i respect that you’ve fallen out of love. i respect every damn thing you do, soobin. the truly tragic part about this is that you don’t respect me enough to come up with a better fucking explanation to break up with me.’

fuck, you felt the pricking at your eyes. his hands came up to your face to brush the tears away. for a moment you start leaning into his touch.

‘can’t we…at least stay friends…?’

your eyes slowly rise back to him. as you make eye contact, you nod your head no, with a painful smile painted on your lips.

at that simple action, soobins tears start to come down his face as well. his large hands moved down to your waist as he pulls you closer, resting his head on your shoulder.

you let him cry as you stand there rubbing his back. you stood in this exact position every time he felt stressed about work or anything else. he would always find comfort in the soft, slow circles your gently hands rub into his back.

‘i saw where this was going. i saw us in the future. but now i don’t. i just see myself not with you.’

soobin says calmly, but shakily. you throw your head back, attempting to keep the tears in.

‘bye, bin.’

you take his arms from around your waist and grab your bag with only the necessities along with your phone.

‘goodbye, y/n’

that was the last word you heard from him. you texted him about a week later to pick up your things from your previously shared apartment. but that was it. he was out of your life.

©️Harufluff 2023 | Do not copy, claim, or repost any of my works.

[izzyy-stuff]

GIRL FRIEND - CHOI SOOBIN

bf!soobin x fem!reader

in which your relationship with your boyfriend starts breaking into pieces as his girl best friend tries to get between the two of you, and for the first time in your relationship with Soobin, you start feeling insecure.

wc 4.1k

warnings angst, pet names, established relationship, featuring an oc Amy as Yeonjun's girlfriend and oc Dae as Beomgyu's girlfriend, soobin has a female friend called Micha, Soobin does mess up a lot, kinda misunderstanding ig(??), there's a few (a lot) texting parts but I was too lazy to make an actual fake text so hopefully it's not unreadable

↪ izzy speaks... rewrote one of my old fics again from my Wattpad acc. You can find the story from Wattpad here. I wanted to give you guys something to read while I work on other stories so you don't have to wait too long, so here it is :))

You had been sitting in the restaurant for more than twenty minutes already, trying to decide if you should leave and cry yourself to sleep or call him. Honestly, the first option sounded better. You didn’t even want to hear from him anymore. 

Still, you found the courage and unlocked your phone, opening your contacts. You called once. No response. You called for the second time, letting it ring longer. Still, no response. You could feel the anxiety building up as the phone call went into the mailbox, your boyfriend’s voice echoing in your ear as the pre-recorded line told you to leave a message, promising something about him trying to reach back to you soon. 

Your mind was a mess. Did something happen to him? Was he okay? Should you call the hospital and ask if he wasn’t there? Or was he completely okay and just decided to ignore you? 

While your mind was full of thoughts, your phone buzzed with a few new messages, making you come back to reality. 

Soobie boobie luvie <3 

[ 19:46 ]

Soobie boobie luvie <3 Hii baby, what’s up??  Soobie boobie luvie <3 I am sorry, I can’t pick up the phone rn  [ you ] Oh  [ you ] What are you doing?  Soobie boobie luvie <3 I am with Mi  you Micha?  Soobie boobie luvie <3 Mhmm  Soobie boobie luvie <3 She and her boyfriend had an argument  Soobie boobie luvie <3 So she asked if she could come hang out for a bit  Soobie boobie luvie <3 We’re rewatching jjk  [ you ] Oh Soobie boobie luvie <3 Love are u okay?  [ you ] Yeah sure  Soobie boobie luvie <3 You don’t sound too fine  Soobie boobie luvie <3 Do you want to come here too?  Soobie boobie luvie <3 You could sleep over Soobie boobie luvie <3 I have cookies  [ you ] No, I'm good [ you ] Have fun :))  [ you ] I think I might ask Yeonjun or Beomgyu to hang out  [ you ] Maybe they could come to my fav onigiri place with me Soobie boobie luvie <3 Sure <3  Soobie boobie luvie <3 Call me later?  Soobie boobie luvie <3 I love you lots    [ you ] Mhmm

bestiesss <3 

[ 20:12 ]

[ you ] Is anyone free rn? [ you ] Please [ you ] Or I might cry [ you ] For the plot ofc ✌️😙 Jjunnie Girl are you good?? Kaikai What’s going on?? Ams Babes why are we crying Jjunnie Where are you?  Jjunnie At least turn on your location so I can come pick u up with Amy [ you ] You don’t need to pick me up [ you ] I just want to hang out withsomeone  Gyu (rat) Can’t text Soobin??  [ you ] He might or might not be the reason why I want to cry so no  Ams What did he do Imma beat him up [ you ] You don’t need to haha [ you ] Enjoy your night with Yeonjun :)) [ you ] Kai, are you free?? Kaikai Yeah sure I can be whenever soon Gyu (rat) I am coming too 😙😙 Gyu (rat) To annoy the shit out of you and makeyou laugh <3 [ you ] Love you guys <333

It took less than ten minutes for the two boys to come into the onigiri place. Good thing they were open until nine. You smiled, moving your stuff away from the chair beside you so they could sit down comfortably. 

“Okay, girl, give me the gossip,” Beomgyu proclaimed immediately as he slid into the chair next to you. Kai simply sat on the opposite side, his eyes as curious as Beomgyu’s. You sighed, taking out your phone again. “Just look at it. I’m going to order another piece to make myself at least a little happy,” you proclaimed, trying to sound as jokingly as possible, but you knew you weren’t doing the best job. You opened the chat for them before standing up from your chair, smiling at them once more to assure them you were fine when you saw the look on their faces. “Wait, put it on my card,” Huening proclaimed, reaching into his pocket for his wallet. “You don’t need to,” you shook your head, but before you could even blink, you had his card in front of you. 

“Aww, you love me!” Beomgyu exclaimed as if he were alone in the shop. You hit his shoulder immediately. “That’s what you got from the conversation?” 

“Well, I just saw that you want to hang out with me, so of course,” he grinned proudly, making you roll your eyes. “I am sorry,” Kai said, pity in his voice. “It’s all good. You guys are here now instead,” you smiled, trying to make it as genuine as possible. 

“Okay, but on a serious note–” Beomgyu started again, making you raise your eyebrow. Those were words you couldn't ever imagine coming from his mouth. “Shut up,” he glared at you before you could say anything about it. He knew exactly what you were thinking. “I knew he was an idiot, but this is another level of idiot. You even mentioned this place in the texts. He could have figured it out. I don’t know. I wouldn’t ditch my girl for a different hoe,” he said proudly. 

“You don’t need to talk about how great of a boyfriend Dae has again,” Kai stopped him before he could open his mouth again. “Just saying,” Gyu shrugged. 

“Yeah, I wouldn’t ditch him either,” you mumbled, taking a bite of your new onigiri. “Why don’t you just text him you had plans? Maybe he would come after all,” Huening suggested, but Beomgyu simply shook his head, deciding to answer instead. “Why would she want a boy who needs to hear he shouldn’t hang out with a different girl when they have plans.” 

“Exactly,” you nodded. “And he is already with her. What would he do? Kick her out? I don’t think so.” 

“I am going to text him,” Beomgyu stated suddenly, making both you and Kai look his way, your eyes widening. “Don’t, oh my fucking god.” 

“No, trust me. I’ll either prove that he is an absolute asshole or you’ll get your date.” 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea–” Huening tried to stop him, but when he saw Beomgyu already taking out his phone, he just sighed, exchanging a glance with you. 

Soob :]  

[ 20:37 ]

Gyu :] Dude what are you doing  Gyu :] And omfg you better not bring up fucking Micha again   Soob :] Okay hello to you too??  Soob :] Since when do you have a problem with her??  Gyu :] Since like now  Gyu :] Why am I the one hanging out with your GIRLFRIEND instead of you?? Soob :] She said she wanted to hang out with you what are you talking about  Soob :] I told her she could come to my place and sleep here  Gyu :] Just stop talking and come here  Gyu :] shared location Soob :] I am with Micha rn tho  Gyu :] Is she more important than your girlfriend??  Soob :] No??  Gyu :] Then get your ass here  Soob :] I can’t just leave her here  Soob :] And you’re with her right now  Soob :] You can still drop her off at mine when you guys are done talking though??  Gyu :] Omfg you really are an ass  Soob :] What did I do??? 

“Okay so we came to the conclusion that he is an ass,” Gyu sighed, dropping his phone on the table, getting a headache from him. It didn’t matter to him that Soobin was his best friend. If he was being stupid, Beomgyu wasn’t going to be on his side. Especially when he knew his girlfriend didn’t deserve it at all. 

“Whatever,” you sighed, not even daring to raise your head and face any of the two. “Do you want to go buy a chocolate? Or ice cream?” Kai suggested, feeling sorry for you. “No, I'm good. Can anyone drop me off, though? I took a taxi here because I thought he would take me back later.” 

“I got it,” Beomgyu proclaimed, glancing over at Kai. “Want me to drop you off at Amy’s?” 

“No, no, I am just going to go home. She’s with Yeonjun anyway.” 

The three of you sat in silence the whole car ride. Even Beomgyu, who went there with the thought of cheering you up, was too scared to say anything. He was worried his jokes could make you feel even worse. 

You hugged Kai goodbye as you stepped out of the car, smiling at them and thanking them for coming to see you. But your smile dropped the second you heard the car driving off, feeling your eyes watering. You didn’t want to cry. It was just a stupid date, after all. But you couldn’t stop your tears, no matter how much you tried. 

You quickly wiped your tears off, looking at your phone again, deciding to call him. 

“Hey, love,” he greeted you immediately, and you could hear the smile on his face as he said it. You smiled a bit, too, greeting him back. “Are you still with Micha?” You asked, unlocking the front door of your apartment. “She left a few minutes ago,” he answered. “Are you coming home now? Can I come by? I want to see you.” 

You thought for a while, closing the door behind yourself. “I am kinda tired. Maybe tomorrow?” You suggested, dropping off your coat in the hallway and going straight into your room. “Ah, sorry, I already promised Micha we would hang out, and before that, I have work. I can come sometime after dinner, though? We could watch something.” 

“Right,” you mumbled, putting the phone on speaker and throwing it onto your bed so you could get changed into your pajamas. “We’ll see, I guess.” 

“Hey, Soobin,” you started again, making him freeze for a moment when he heard his first name. It might have been the first time he heard you call him Soobin since the day he asked you to be his girlfriend. He was always Soob, or Soobie, not Soobin. “I’m going to sleep now, but can you check our shared calendar later?” 

“Mhm, of course,” he nodded, still trying to figure out what he did for you to call him Soobin. “Good night, baby. I love you.” 

“I love you too,” you said, hanging up right after. You jumped into your bed, staring at the ceiling for a while, sorting all your thoughts. Eventually, when you saw Soobin blowing up your phone, you turned it off, getting up again to do your hygiene before going to bed. 

Soobie boobie luvie <3 

[ 21:24 ]

Soobie boobie luvie <3 BABY I AM SO SORRY  Soobie boobie luvie <3 PLEASE  Soobie boobie luvie <3 I know I fucked up Soobie boobie luvie <3 I should have remembered  Soobie boobie luvie <3 Oh god I should have come right away when you called me  Soobie boobie luvie <3 I am so so so sorry  Soobie boobie luvie <3 Please answer :(  Soobie boobie luvie <3 I’ll come over, what do you think? Soobie boobie luvie <3 Please love  Soobie boobie luvie <3 I swear I didn’t mean to  Soobie boobie luvie <3 I can tell Micha we can’t hang out tomorrow and take you out instead

Soobie boobie luvie <3 

[ 07:56 ]

Soobie boobie luvie <3 Love :((  Soobie boobie luvie <3 Please answer me  Soobie boobie luvie <3 I want to talk to you  Soobie boobie luvie <3 I can come on my lunch break  [ you ] Soobie it’s fine  [ you ] I made plans with Amy after our call last night so you don’t have to cancel any of your plans  [ you ] We can just see each other later :)  Soobie boobie luvie <3 It’s not fine at all though  Soobie boobie luvie <3 I’ll come by on my lunch break, yea?  Soobie boobie luvie <3 I’ll get you flowers  Soobie boobie luvie <3 And something good to eat too Soobie boobie luvie <3 I swear I am never going to forget about our date again alright?  [ you ] Okay :))  [ you ] I love you soob <3  Soobie boobie luvie <3 I love you too my love

♡⸝⸝

bestiesss <3 

[ 17:45 ]

Ams Never  Ams And I mean NEVER  Ams Trust a man  Jjunnie HEY  Ams You’re a liar too so shush  Jjunnie :(((  [ you ] I just don’t get it [ you ] Am I not enough anymore?? Ams That’s it I am coming to beat his ass  Gyu (rat) Can I watch  Dae<3 Boi  Gyu (rat) Yes my love 😍  [ you ] Fuck you :((  Gyu (rat) Hey I didn’t do anything  [ you ] You don’t act like that with her when I am not around [ you ] You just want to rub it in my face :(  Dae<3 Actually he does act like that nonstop  Dae<3 But hey that’s just because he is a weirdo so don’t mind him  [ you ] Okay great now she’s on his story  Jjunnie Wtfff  Jjunnie I should kick his ass too  Jjunnie Why the hell is he with her again

unknown 

[ 17:54 ]

unknown Heyy girlieee  unknown Micha here :))  unknown I am with Soob right now and I saw him trying to call you so I am just reaching out because he looks really sad  unknown I don’t know exactly what you did to him but maybe next time think about him too yeah?  unknown He wanted to ask you to join us but I don’t think that’s a good idea  unknown After you’ve been so bitchy and you know  unknown He told me before that he couldn’t see me because of you?? Like that’s some mad controlling behavior  unknown Good thing I can just cry a bit and he comes running to me  unknown Anyway, there is no need to come here  unknown We are having a great time without you

bestiesss <3 

[ 17:58 ]

[ you ] Okay stop she is texting me now Gyu (rat) Hope she khs 😙  Dae<3 GYU  Gyu (rat) I wish her the worst <3  Ams Give me her number ASAP  Jjunnie Alright now she pissed of Amy Jjunnie she really is getting the worst

Soobie boobie luvie <3 

[ 18:04 ]

[ you ] Soobin I can’t anymore Soobie boobie luvie <3 Wdym??  [ you ] This  [ you ] You can’t even type it out anymore??  [ you ] And her  [ you ] Why are you bowling with Micha when we were supposed to go out today??  [ you ] When you texted me it was an emergency and that you couldn’t make it today I thought something bad happened but turns out you just want to be with a different girl  Soobie boobie luvie <3 Love it’s not like that  Soobie boobie luvie <3 You know she is just a friend  [ you ] Is she??  [ you ] Why does she get to see you more often than I do then??  Soobie boobie luvie <3 Come on you’re overreacting now  [ you ] Am I??  Soobie boobie luvie <3 Baby just… Soobie boobie luvie <3 Wait a bit  Soobie boobie luvie <3 We’ll be done soon and I'll come to see you so we can talk about this okay?  [ you ] No not okay  [ you ] Remember when you told me you felt insecure about my relationship with Ryan before you found out he is gay?? I feel the exact same way  [ you ] But you don’t listen to me at all  [ you ] Last week I asked you not to go to lunch with her but you went anyway  [ you ] Then I wanted to come over  [ you ] But you were too busy listening to her troubles  [ you ] And now you are ditching me for her again  Soobie boobie luvie <3 Baby it’s different  Soobie boobie luvie <3 You would listen to Amy too if she got into an argument with Yeonjun  [ you ] I wouldn’t lie to you about it tho??  [ you ] And definitely wouldn’t go if I knew it made you uncomfy  [ you ] Soobin this is not the first time I’m bringing it up to you  [ you ] And respectfully tell her to stop fucking texting me or I’ll be rude  [ you ] She has no right to talk to me about my relationship 

Soobin glanced over from his phone at the girl in front of him. She was laughing at how badly she threw the bowling ball before she looked at him again, telling him it was his turn. “Did you text my girlfriend?” He asked, her smile suddenly dropping. “Well, yeah,” she shrugged. “You’ve been looking like someone died this whole time, so I just let her know you called. And that if she doesn’t want to show up, it’s fine, too, since we are having so much fun.” 

“Mi, this is none of your business,” he proclaimed, his voice suddenly stronger than she ever felt, angrier. She gulped, her whole body tensing from nervousness. “I’ve been sad the whole day because I miss my girlfriend. Which, by the way, is kind of your fault.” 

“I’m…sorry?” 

“Whatever,” he sighed, his fingers running through his hair. “You feel all better now, no? I need to go see her now.” 

“Wait– but what about–” she tried to stop him, even grabbing the hem of his shirt, but he just shook her off. “We are not like that, Micha. Do not touch me ever again.” 

“But I thought…” she started, letting go of his shirt when she saw the look in his eyes. She fucked up. “You were so nice to me. And that night when my boyfriend broke up with me, you–” 

“I hugged you. Like any friend would. It was nothing more than that and never will,” he interrupted her. “For fucks sake, I have a girl who I love with my whole heart, what were you even thinking??” 

“I don’t know! Maybe that you were having a hard time too when you were with me so much! I thought you liked me!” 

“Well, I don’t.” 

She stared at him for a while, trying to reach for his hand but he dodged her, not even looking back and walked away, leaving the bowling alley soon after when he grabbed his stuff. 

“You should not be calling me right now. I am on your girlfriend’s side in this,” Yeonjun proclaimed when he picked up Soobin’s call. “I know, I know, I’m team girlfriend, too. Always. So please, help me not lose her while I can still save it.” Yeonjun sighed. “Alright, what is your plan?” 

♡⸝⸝ 

It might have been the worst night you ever had. Tightly holding onto your pillow, your back against the wooden headboard, with a box of ice cream on your night table as you let tears run down your face, you couldn’t even think properly. Your mind was full of the happy moments you had spent with your boyfriend, making you smile, until you remembered how he laughed with Micha. You felt terrible. Terrible for not seeing it sooner, and for being so delusional and thinking his eyes were on you only. 

You didn’t even notice the night turn into another day as you sat on your bed. But as you saw the light peeking through your window, you knew it was time to come back to the real world. You had work to attend. You still had your daily life to live. 

So, in order to concentrate and do that, you decided it was for the best to ignore all his calls. 

You never hung up on him. You waited till it stopped ringing, watching his contact name disappear again as a new voicemail popped up on your screen. You didn’t open any of his messages, turning your phone off for the rest of the day when he started spamming you with texts during your meeting. 

It was for the best to ignore him. 

You tried to convince yourself, but every time you had a free minute at work, your eyes wandered to your phone, wishing for his name to pop up on your screen again. 

You needed to do something. Yell at him, cry, or even just hug him. 

But it felt like it was too late for that now. 

As if you had fucked up everything you could. 

♡⸝⸝ 

You sat on your bed again, scrolling through e-shops while waiting for Yeonjun to come over. He called you not so long ago, saying he was taking you out. You tried to refuse at first, but he wasn’t giving up, so it was eventually you who gave in. You haven't heard anything from Soobin since the afternoon, and honestly, it was stressing you out. You really needed Yeonjun to come and get your mind somewhere else. Somewhere where you wouldn’t need to think about the handsome giant Soobin was. 

But Yeonjun thought differently. 

“Where are we going?” You wondered, looking out of the car’s window. “Coffee shop,” he finally admitted, stopping at the red light in front of him. Your eyes widened as you looked at him. “You’re taking me to get coffee? Stop, I love you.” He laughed, shaking his head at you. 

Yeonjun parked his car in front of his favorite café, getting out of the car first so he could help you out. You simply smiled at him when he opened the door for you, jumping out of the car and looking around the place. You thought you tried out every café shop possible already, but turns out this one was still an exception. 

“Thank you. For everything,” you smiled at him as he locked the car’s door. “No need,” he shook his head. “Go inside and order something nice. I am going to call Amy real quick, okay?” You nodded to him, not saying anything else, and simply walked into the café. 

That was when you saw him in the corner, a cup of coffee already in front of him. You sighed, glancing outside at Yeonjun, who was mounting for you to join him there. You took a deep breath before turning around again and walking towards the table of two the black-haired boy occupied. 

“Hey,” you smiled a bit, catching his attention immediately. 

“Hey, love,” he smiled, his smile making you melt almost immediately. He moved the cup of iced coffee closer to you as you sat down before glancing at Yeonjun outside, exchanging some looks with him. 

“What’s this?” You asked, taking the cup of coffee and taking a sip right away. 

“I needed to see you,” he proclaimed. “Soobin,” you breathed out, the nervousness in him building up with each second. “Wait, let me talk first, please.” You calmly nodded to him, shifting in your place to sit more comfortably. “You can scream at me all you want after or do whatever you feel like in the moment, but let me just say a few things first.” 

“So, first of all, I blocked her. Everywhere. And I know it doesn’t apologize for anything I did until now, but I wanted you to know. She said something about thinking we were more than just friends earlier, so I turned her down immediately. I told her not to get close to me again and that I love you. I am so sorry for not seeing it before and doing things I shouldn’t. I wish I could change everything. I never wanted to make you uncomfortable and make you feel like I did. I just…, I don’t know,” he breathed out. 

“I don’t have any excuses. I know I behaved like an absolute asshole, and you have all rights to be mad at me and even break up with me if that’s what you want to do, but I hope you don’t because I have no idea what I’d do without you,” Soobin started talking faster and faster, making it almost impossible for you to understand what he was saying. Yet, you found your lips curving into a smile as you listened to his chaotic yap. 

You sat silently during his speech and even a bit after he finished, eventually reaching for his hand on the table. “I don’t want to break up with you,” you assured him. “I just…I don’t know either, if I am honest,” you sighed. “I am glad you cut her off, though. I don’t want to sound like I don’t want you to have friends. That’s not it at all, but I simply… felt so insecure when I saw you two together,” you admitted. “I felt like I wasn’t enough,” you whispered. 

“Love, you are more than I deserve,” he assured you. “I promise I won't ever make you feel like that again. And if I do, for whatever reason, tell me immediately, and I will do everything I can to change it. Nothing is more important to me than making you comfortable.” 

“Okay,” you nodded, smiling. “Let’s just go home now, please,” he said, squeezing your hand in his. “Let’s do that,” you agreed, standing up from your place and leaning towards him. 

In that moment, with your hands intertwined and your lips gently pressed on his, you felt like the whole world stopped spinning for a moment. As if it was just the two of you in the café, both nineteen again, as you kissed for the first time, confessing your love to each other. His kiss made you forget about everything bad that ever happened between you, leaving only the happy memories. 

“Let’s go home, Soobie,” you mumbled against his lips, smiling as he breathed out in relief. Only then did you realize it was always you and your boyfriend against the world until the very end.

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